raven's rule
by vvenom
Summary: "I'll be damned if some new, brooding, moody kid joined the Titans one day; I might be out of a job. That job being Raven's personal fuck toy." a story about push, pull, and miscommunication (NSFW CHAPTERS)
1. Chapter 1

"Do you have an extra one of those?"

The roof is dark, and crisp snow falls in a light sheet over the concrete. I didn't think anyone would be awake at this time of night, which is why I chose now of all times to come up here and smoke, but of course she was. I don't think she ever sleeps.

"What, no lecture?"

I toss her my lighter which she freezes in the air, the regular blank expression painting over her face. She's wearing a baggy black sweater that slinks over one shoulder with black leggings underneath. She's floating over the surface of the roof, and honestly I don't blame her. The concrete is fucking freezing.

"How many times have I told you not to throw things at me? And no, as long as you don't lecture me."

I extend my hand towards her, a cigarette places between my index and middle fingers. She ignites the cigarette mid air before it even touches her hand, and I shrug as she drops the lighter to the ground in front of her. It had been a hell of a long day. Not that we had to go and fight anyone, we hadn't had a call all month, but we had a city council meeting to deal with. There were a lot of people that would rather risk dealing with the ridiculous villains that terrorized Jump City themselves than dealing with the collateral damage left behind from the Teen Titans. It was a solid argument, and here lately the rules and regulations of superheroes has become extremely tight. We were still one hundred percent funded, but as of right now we did no light work. Only villains, no bank robbery and hostage situations, which was understood. It didn't make it any less boring though.

The entire day had been spent signing papers and listening to new guidelines set by the Jump City townspeople, which was as boring as it was mind numbing, and I definitely needed to catch a break.

"Raven?" I take a draw of my cigarette, blowing a mixture of smoke and steam out into the air.

"What?" Raven's voice wasn't one you would expect out of your average 17 year old. It was sturdy, solid and mature. It was confident.

"Our job fucking sucks."

I drag my eyes over to her direction, and I can see her try her hardest to hide her smile.

"Don't be so melodramatic."

"You're right." I finish my cigarette, throwing the bud off into the bay. "That's already your job."

It quiet for a while after that, and I can tell that we're both mulling over the ideas of our new campaign. Yeah, Jump City has their divided opinions about us, but it wasn't like we were going anywhere. It was as if we won the election for presidency, but could never stop campaigning for votes. It was our job not only to protect Jump City, but to represent.

The Jump City council, including the mayor and her cabinet, had arranged a brand new campaign for the Teen Titans including all sorts of visits, hostings, and even media scandals. We (according to the council) wanted people to like us again, to want us to go back to busting purse snatchers and gas station thieves. Why? I have no fucking clue. But it wasn't up to me, it was up to the city.

"You're irritated."

I snap out of my temporary dip from reality, my face turning to meet Raven's gaze. Empaths, who do they think they are? Just over here peeking into my emotions with no consent.

"Yeah, I'm irritated. Don't act like you aren't."

I needed another cigarette. I was so irritated, that I couldn't even take the time to notice that Raven was _actually talking to me_. It's not like me and Raven don't talk, but she definitely never goes out of her way to speak to me (especially recently.) She came up here to bum a cig, sure, but she's never gone out of her way to hang out around me. It was odd, and as I light my third cigarette, I take notice to it.

"Why are you up here anyway? It's cold as fuck. You never meditate in the snow."

Raven joined the Titans at the extremely young age of 13, myself being 15 at the time. I thought she was fucking weird, and she probably thought the same about me. Everyone became increasingly aware of her meditation schedule, so not to interfere with it, and one thing that always held in my memory was her dislike for snow. She would generally meditate on the roof every night for about an hour, through rain or sun, but not snow. When it snowed she settled for the common room, occupying a corner and mumbling to herself as she floated in the air. She had no reason to wonder up to the roof, except maybe to talk to me.

"I didn't come up here to meditate. I came up here to ask for a cigarette."

She winces at the word, and I can tell it's something she didn't like about herself. Shit, I definitely didn't like being tobacco's bitch either, and I tried to get it out of my system only once per week. I'd wait until almost three in the morning, making sure everyone was asleep, and chain smoke through a pack in record time.

"Yeah, you don't really come off as a smoker to me."

We finish our cigarettes in silence, the crisp air wrapping around us in a blanket as the snow paints the concrete roof a solid white. It's too damn cold for me, and as the wind presses against the right side of my face I decide it's time to head back inside.

I press my hands into the snowy ledge of the roof, swinging my legs back from over the edge and pushing my body up from my sitting position on the ground. I cast Raven a quiet goodbye, reminding her not to stay out too late and risk catching a cold, and I'm not really expecting a reply as my hand clasps against the door handle.

"Garfield."

I pause, not really knowing if I like the way my real name rolls off of her tongue. I try not to dwindle on the subject of Raven's tongue as I turn back to face her, and she is surprisingly closer to me than I thought she was. She's recently learned a new trick: how to subtly teleport without the use of a flashy portal. She was never about cosmetics really, and although this new party trick was more practical, it was a little inconvenient for the rest of us considering how unpredictable her teleportation had become.

I could feel her cold breath press lightly against my chest, and even with her floating off of the ground her face is barely neck level compared to me.

"I just wanted you to hold the door." She stares me down, and it's always been unsettling how Raven never averted eye contact. She was intimidating as _hell_.

"Uh, yeah. Of course."

I pull open the door and it tugs along against the snow, and as she slips past me into the dark hallway I release a sigh of quiet relief. It takes a lot of energy to be around Raven and not piss her off, especially for me. I feel like I've been dodging tripwires through the entire month, and as I close the door and my eyes adjust to the darkness of the hallway I notice she's not even there. She must've teleported to her room, why didn't she do that in the first place?

I take a few steps, allowing my body to relax in the quiet solace of the dark hallway. Raven had seriously been acting weird lately, like, not her normal weird. She was being weird in ways I didn't know if I was comfortable with, or way too comfortable with. I mull it over in my head as I stride down the hall, subconsciously counting my breaths in between steps. It was a terrible habit, and as I counted to seven I paused. It was the slightest of noises, one a normal person would have never noticed, but the gentle brush of fabric against fabric almost echoed in my ear canals. It was coming from behind me. I don't even make it to my eighth breath as a cold hand closes around my neck from behind in one swift motion.

My back slams hard against the concrete wall, and as the thought of grabbing the emergency button on my wrist communicator pops into my head another cold hand rips it off with the ease of ripping off a price tag. I kick up, into whoever's chest, hard enough to knock them into the opposing wall. My eyes scan the floor in the unlit hallway for my communicator while my attacker recovers.

I spot it in the corner behind the door, my impulses kicking into overdrive as I turn and dart down the pitch black hallway. My line of vision is focused, and I have a single goal in mind: to protect my friends from who ever this mother fucker is. I'm two footfalls away from the end of the hallway, and I can feel success at my fingertips when a light flickers like a lightning strobe, covering the entire hallway in a bright snow white and then back to darkness. My mind fogs, and the flicker of light disorients me before my entire body freezes mid-sprint.

It feels cold, so fucking cold, as if my body is literally physically frozen. I feel like I'm having sleep paralysis, as if my head is awake and my body is not, and the world is fuzzy around me. My eyes search around the room, taking their time to readjust to the darkness around me, but I realize something terrifying. My attacker is behind me, watching me.

"Look, I'm not going to be timid." The cold, concrete hand sturdily snakes around my neck once more, and the paralysis spell previously infecting my body melts under its touch. I still have no control of my body, but as I move it's as if a puppeteer has taken the reigns. My spine presses smoothly against the wall, and I keep my eyes closed partially out of fear. I know _exactly_ who my attacker is, I could _smell_ her. Given, I didn't know it was her until she spoke, but the correlation of her authority and manipulative tone sparked a match in the pit of my stomach between my hips.

I open my eyes, and grin down at her lopsidedly. This was the stuff of my dreams, (kind of my nightmares too,) and as terrified as I felt, I couldn't help but be a _little_ turned on. Raven's eyes, which are a perfect mix of blue and purple, are locked into mine. I was starting not to mind that eye contact thing too much.

"You definitely are seeming a little tense."

She doesn't laugh at my joke, and as she continues to glare up into my eyes I say a silent prayer to whatever god is listening that she can't feel my struggle against the prison walls of my own body. I'm trying my damndest to will my body to move, but it's limp against her touch. She's turned my own body against me, and I'm trapped behind the walls of my own green skin. She's in control, and what she wants my body reacts to. I'm not really to sure how I feel about that right now.

"I need to talk to you."

"I don't know," I snicker, not trying too hard to not piss her off anymore. "I'm kind of tied up right now."

Raven doesn't move, doesn't respond in any way, shape, or form to my joke. I guess it didn't land too well.

"I-" She starts, but something inside of her tells her to stop. Her mouth hangs open as she releases her grip, and my body slumps off of the wall as my feet hit the ground. I still don't have full control, but at least she's doesn't have her hand around my fucking throat anymore. I mean, it wouldn't be too bad in another context. "I want to… stay in your room tonight."

My eyes widen, probably as wide as they can open. This is the last fucking thing I would ever expect to here exit Raven's mouth. She's still holding eye contact, and the confidence behind her voice is unfaltering. Maybe she wasn't joking about not being timid.

I try my hardest not to say it, I really fucking do, but it leaves my mouth before I can even take the extra second the rethink.

"Do you want top bunk or bottom bunk?"

The cold feeling fueling my body from my toes to my head disappears in one solid wave, the shear warmth of fire returning to replace it. It hits me hard like a freight train, and I gasp as I fall to my hands and knees in front of a tiny five-foot-seventeen-year-old girl.

Air pours in and out of my lungs through my mouth like I hadn't been breathing for the past five minutes, and the small spark that had previously lit between my hips was a full-force, forest fire. I guess whatever cold-spell Raven had put on me had suppressed it, but somehow also made it twenty times worse.

"Holy shit," I slowly crawl to a standing position, my hands planted on the wall to support me. "I don't give a fuck what bunk you want as long as I'm in it with you."

I say the sentence in between gasps for air, my eye shut as tight as possible as I hold myself up against the wall.

It started about a month ago, this. I wouldn't really dub it a relationship, because me and Raven already _have_ a relationship, it's just not a functional one. It was the "I-only-tolerate-you-because-I-live-and-work-with-you" type, and I was totally cool with that. Yeah, me and Raven had gotten a little closer as the two of us grew up, but we were definitely not done growing. Our "relationship" had quite a lot of room for effort.

So a month ago when Raven teleported into my room while I was mid-changing clothes, I definitely kind of lost it. My cool, that is. Not that I had any cool before that, but seeing Raven just _appear into my room_ in her pajamas at three in the morning is definitely one way to take a guys cool away.

It's only happened twice so far, and hey, I got it. She's a teenager dude, shit, I'm still a teenager. Being a seventeen year old superhero fucking sucks, and you're definitely limited in people available and willing to bang.

No, we hadn't had sex, but I'm working on it. I'm working so fucking hard on it.

To be completely honest, I had only ever had sex once, but something about Raven told me I had a _little_ more experience in the field than she did.

When she first came into my room, yeah, it seriously tripped me out, but it was actually super cute. I hate to admit it, and I would never say it to her face, but the image of Raven asking me to get into bed with her is something that regularly pops into my head in the shower. And in my bed. And when I'm eating cereal and shes across the table from me and the entire group is eating breakfast and I have to get up to get ready for the day but I can't move until my boner goes away.

When she asked the second time, I jokingly replied "You don't have to be so scared, I don't bite. I mean, unless you want me to."

Honestly, I was starting to regret mocking her.

The comment alone had set her off, and therefore, the second time she asked was a no-go. How can one get rejected by the person who was asking them for sex in the first place? I really don't know. It's a gift, honestly. And again, we hadn't really had sex. We're getting there though. Maybe.

I rest my forehead against the wall, really wishing she would have continued the cute little teleporting-to-my-room-in-the-wee-hours-of-the-morning thing instead of the physically-attacking-me-in-the-hallway thing. But damn, Raven taking lead like that was actually _really fucking hot._

I feel the heat steadily growing up my stomach and into my sternum, and fuck, it almost hurts. It unhinges something inside of me, something carnal I can't quite put my finger on, and when I lift my forehead off of the wall and stand as straight as I can I realize I'm not in the hallway anymore. I'm in my room.

I turn sharply, my back now facing against my bedroom door and my body facing the rest of my room. And Raven.

She's still wearing what she was wearing on the roof, her collarbone peeking out from behind the cable-knit fabric of her sweater. Goddamn, even when she wasn't trying she was stunning. Raven's always been fucking devastating, but I knew better than to try to touch the sun. She could eat me whole, chew me up and spit me out, and then eat me again. Boy's like me were probably her breakfast, and even though she may not have a lot of experience when it came to sex I am more than willing to experience it with her.

"You know what you can't do."

"Yeah, whatever."

She's off the ground in a second, maybe even under a second. My body swallows hers, and as I toss her down into the bed and her eyes meet mine I can't help but long to do what I'm not allowed.

She had one rule: no kissing. How fucking stupid is that?

She didn't want me to think that this was anything more than it was: two horny teenagers trying to relieve the stress of being two horny teenagers. And then, like, everything else with the superhero stuff. Whatever.

My body aches, and I figure she's doing some weird-invasive-empath thing. I've never fucking felt like this before, and _god_ I want to fuck her so hard she has to float over the floor for the next two weeks, but something isn't right.

I don't feel comfortable about it. About this.

I pull myself away from the bed, kind of half looking at Raven to gauge her reaction. She sits up, not so much looking concerned as she is curious, and it kind of pisses me off even more.

"Are you doing this, this, thing? Are you making me feel this?"

I'm pointing to my face, like it accurately defines the emotions coursing through my body down to my fucking dick, but she understands.

"You don't like it?"

"Well, yeah, I do but-" I cut myself off, flailing my arms in the air around me in some lame attempt to gather my words.

She was doing this to me to turn me on, to make up for the not-kissing thing. At least that's why I think she's doing it.

I'm a feely kind of guy, I craved touch and affection and _foreplay_. The little things build up to the really big things, and the whole "we-can't-kiss-because-we're-only-friends-but-we're-still-gonna-bang" thing didn't settle with me well. If anything, this weird, heat thing she had done to me was only making my cravings worse, unbearable even. I wanted to do what she wouldn't let me, but I didn't want to do anything she didn't want.

"Look, I get you're like, using me like a personal boy-toy or whatever, and that's great. I love it, really. But I really need to…"

I trail off as I move back to the bed, my knees planting on the sheets between hers and slowly pushing her legs apart as I shift my weight. She's looking up at me tentatively, and I know what I'm about to do, but I don't know if she does.

My hands slide under her shirt, and I press my thumb the perfect amount of rough into her ribcage as my hands cradle her sides. Her eyes are so fucking wide, and all the confidence bullshit from before is out the window. I am on fucking fire, and she is melting under me.

"I need to do this."

She doesn't have time to argue, doesn't have time to yell at me or call me an idiot, and I swear as my lips crash into hers I feel like a fork in an electrical socket.

My eyes are closed, partially because I'm scared as hell about the repercussions of breaking Ravens rule, but as I continue the kiss and dip my hips into hers I feel her kiss back. It's kind of rough at first, wild and unknowing, and we both fumble hard.

I pick her up, wrapping my arms around her waist and keeping her hips and lips in contact with mine the entire time, and move her up on the bed so that we're not sideways anymore. When I drop her down I stay in between her legs, looking down at her and standing on my knees on the bed. She's a mess, her face somehow flushed and blushed at the same time, and her eyes are full of emotion that I never get to see.

"That was my first kiss."

I shrug, cocking a little grin as I lift the edge of my shirt over my head. "Tonight's a night for firsts, babe."

I expect her to retort at the comment but she doesn't, she just watches, and for some reason that makes me think of Terra. Comparing this to losing my virginity to Terra is completely day and night. At the time my feelings for Terra were really construed and complicated, and if anything having sex with her was my last ditch effort at showing her I loved her. It was soft, and weird, and neither of us had any clue what we were doing. Just a pile of teenage emotions thrusting against each other in the same bed, her blonde hair layed out over the gray pillows. She would never close her eyes, and if she did it was out of natural reflex. Something about closing her eyes scared her, made her feel like she was letting her guard down. She made little mewling noises and although I thought it was so great at the time, it's nothing compared to Raven. Terra was the day and Raven was the night, and Raven fucking consumed me.

I lean down, my shirt discarded somewhere on the floor, and my let my lips barely brush hers. I feel a push from behind her, she thought I was going to kiss her and quickly reciprocated with an equal force. I grin as she settles back down, loving the way lust looked on her and wanting to absorb all of it like a sponge.

I know it's a total douchebag way to think, but I reveled in the fact that I was going to hold not one, but two of Ravens firsts. I wanted her to be all mine, wanted her to leave herself in the sheets of my bed and for nobody else. I'll be _damned_ if some new brooding moody kid joined the Titans one day, I might be out of a job. That job being Ravens personal fuck toy.

"Stop playing with me."

She spat it out, angrily through closed teeth, and I liked it. Her lips hit mine, and she's rough and direct and has seemed to wrap her grasp around this kissing thing fairly fast. I part my mouth, using my tongue to coax hers, and as I do I feel her hips roll over my dick in the most perfect way. I cave down, moaning into her open as only my elbows support me over her.

I'm the one that pulls away from the kiss first, and she seems angry until I dip into her neck and lightly nip at the base of her jaw. She damn near squeals, and it's perfect, and it's just enough to fuel me into doing more.

"Let me see this, you're not gonna need it."

I grab the huge piece of fabric draping over her small frame, and to be completely honest, I can't really figure out how it works. I'm starting to get frustrated, the fire inside of me fuming and with no kindling to burn. Fuck it.

I rip the sweater down the middle, pulling it off of her in one solid motion and looking down at her exposed chest. She was like old art, delicate and beautiful.

She looks mad, and it makes her look even hotter, and I snort and lean back down into her swiftly. "I'll buy you another one."

It's all I can say before I'm biting the edge of her collarbone that's been toying with me all night, and my hand sneaks down to the part of her leggings that resides between her thighs. I touch her tentatively, and she's already suppressing moans from me kissing her roughly down her chest. As soon as my fingers press up against the thin fabric of her leggings, her eyes flutter open, and her pupils don't really seem focused in on anything in particular. Her back caves under my touch, and it gives me the confidence to press a little harder, slowly moving my fingers up and down against the smooth fabric.

"Wait-wait…" She's breathing so hard and her hands grip the sheets beside her, and this is all really awesome but it all seemed a little… _suspicious._

"Raven?"

She stops, the sound of her name reminding her who she is and where she's at, and her body relaxes and grows rigged again. Good fucking job, me.

"Yes?"

"Have you never orgasmed before?"

She pauses, and not because she doesn't _want_ to tell me, but because she didn't know the consequences of me knowing.

"No. I don't see how that's important."

Oh, it's definitely fucking important. I'm blown away by the fact this girl, this drop dead knockout of a woman beneath me, had never experienced orgasming in her long seventeen years of living. That's probably why she's such a total bitch all of the time.

"You've never masturbated or like, anything? Nothing? Maybe it happened and you didn't-"

"It's never happened Beast Boy."

Aaaaaaand we're back to Beast Boy. I'm quickly backpedaling, but maybe I was trying to. I didn't like the context of the situation anymore; I didn't want the thought of Raven's first time to be with me in the same bed as another girls first time was taken, horny and looking for a quick release. She would regret it later, and I would regret it later too. She was special, one of a kind, and she deserved something that was the same way.

"I don't want to have sex with you."

She sits up swiftly and all in one motion, her hair a mess as it barely brushes the top of her shoulders and her breasts exposed with a cute line of soon-to-be hickeys dotting down to her belly-button.

"What? Why?"

I shrug, pushing myself off of the bed and grabbing for a shirt. "I don't know, I'm just not feeling it right now. Maybe you can go hit up Robin or something."

As soon as I say it I'm angry at myself for even putting that thought out into the world. Robin and Raven have a good five year age difference, and the thought of him having _my firsts_ kinda drives me up a wall a little bit. I shrug off the invasive thoughts, not liking the territorial tone I've developed. That isn't me.

She's watching me get dressed just like she watched me get undressed, and _jesus christ_ my dick is so hard I could cut a diamond. I turn around from facing the wall, and her eyes dart up to me mine. I grin, and she blushes, and it's definitely something I'm going to bring up later on.

"I _know_ you wanted to."

"Well, I don't anymore. Jeez, peer pressure much?"

And just like that, she's gone without a word. My room is empty save for her torn sweater on the floor. I pick it up, holding it close to my face and smelling the velvet vanilla and cigarette smoke. It smelled like Raven.

I push it under my bed, deep to the other side closest to the wall. Monsters hide under the bed, and this stupid torn sweater definitely made me _feel_ like a monster. It was hot and in the moment, but ripping someone's clothes off of them was something expected of me. _Beast Boy_. I wasn't a beast.

I layed back down in my empty bed, my back pressed against the same sheets she pressed against. I felt extremely lonely, and all at once, but before I could begin kicking myself I tried to remind myself that it was for the better.

Raven didn't want me to kiss her, she didn't want to feel any emotions other than the feeling of want, and need, and sex. I broke that rule because of a stupid impulse, because of a stupid empath-spell thing that she had done to me that was still coiling around in my torso.

I broke Ravens rule, the one she had set in place to prevent any unwanted emotions toward me, but it didn't work. Now I had unwanted emotions towards her.

Well, shit.


	2. Chapter 2

I rewrote this chapter almost 4 times, and this was the direction I liked best. Hope you like it!

* * *

My knuckles are heavy against the metal door, and the hollow ringing of sound against air coming from behind it makes me think I might be at the wrong room. I can smell her from the thin crack beneath the door, and although in the almost five years of living together me and Raven shared, I had never once been to her room. I mean, save for once or twice, but it changes every time I go in. The location changes as well, from one end of the "T" to the other, I guess to keep people like me on their toes.

The last three days have been excruciating. I've been a dog in a cage, bouncing from wall to wall to wall just to take my mind off of the searing heat pounding in the pit of my stomach down to my dick. It was pure sex, pure need and want with no give. I hated it, and no amount of porn or staring at my ceiling could get rid of it.

I debated with myself, I really did. I would stand in front of my mirror and weigh the pros with the cons of the decision I was willing to make. There were so many possible outcomes, none of which I was mentally prepared for. For fucks sake, I had to do _something_.

Every inch of her played on repeat in my head like your favorite song, but eventually you get sick of it and never want to listen to it again. Except I couldn't stop listening, I had to keep listening, I had to keep thinking about her hair against my pillowcase and the light amount of mascara she wore smeared against her under-eye and how her hips rode high on her waist and her belly-button was so cute in the center of it all.

And so here I am. In the hallway in front of her room.

I had to ask Starfire where it was now, and as suspicious as that may seem, you could punch Starfire in the face and she still wouldn't understand you were mad at her. Star was a little inept when it came to body language and social cues, which was a definite plus considering the perma-boner and nervous sweat I've got going on. I'm trying my hardest to pull myself together, I swear, but nothing has seemed to work. This was my last resort.

"Come in."

It's quiet, like someone whispered it directly from the other side of the door. I step forward, and the motion sensor mounted on top of the doorway becomes aware of my presence. It beeps before sliding open slowly, the sound of cold metal against even colder metal echoing through the empty room.

I don't see her, but I definitely see a hell of a lot of books.

Everything is dark, and there's a few candles lit here and there, but I still pause as the door shuts behind me and readjust my eyes for the dark lighting.

There's a large, gothic-looking, canopy bed close to the window in the back left side of the room, the headboard placed against the left wall. Speaking of walls, there are none. Only bookshelves.

I don't think there's a lick of wallpaper in here considering the wall is literally just bookshelves. There's a small clear area to the left of Raven's bed where a matching gothic dresser/desk rests, but aside from that everything is just… books. Does she even read all of this shit?

"Where are you at?"

I don't like not being able to see her, and I keep my back to the door so not to be underhanded. I think back to the last time we talked, and I don't like the idea of being attacked in the dark again.

"I'm in here."

Her voice is muddied, and it echoes out from a small doorway on the right side of the room to the back. There's a light spilling through, and it paints over the black shag carpet. Seriously? Who the fuck has black carpet?

I don't really know what to do with the information that Raven is through that door, in her closet I guess? But I don't like being in her room alone. I feel like I'm peeking in a diary, being here when she isn't, so I decide to be somewhere she is.

I walk across the thick shag carpet tentatively, afraid of peeking around the corner and seeing something I don't want to see. Or worse, seeing something I do want to see.

I poke my head through the doorway, almost having to lean down in order to prevent bumping my head on the wooden doorway, and take in my surroundings.

"No fucking way, you get your own _bathroom_?"

She's standing there in a cropped gray sweater and baggy, army green sweats, looking up at me as she brushes her teeth. The water in the marble sink is running, and the bathroom looks like something out of a ancient Victorian mansion. There's a large, walk-in shower, and ancient looking claw-footed bathtub, and cute little toilet complete with a fuzzy seat-cover.

The door to the closet is behind her, and I'm surprised to see a little more color in there than I thought I would. I watch as she spits into the sink, sticking the toothbrush back into her mouth and using her free hand to pull up her sweats slightly. She must be conscious of showing her skin now that I'm here, and I almost feel kind of bad for showing up unannounced.

I try not to focus too hard on the way green looks on Raven's ass and try instead to drag my focus back to her badass bathroom. Who the fuck okayed this? Robin was very serious about us guys sharing a community shower, which was incredibly gross considering how much he _lived_ in that thing. At least twice a week I walk in on him with his leg hiked up on the counter while clipping his toenails, wearing nothing but a towel.

I shake the vision out of my head before walking into the bathroom, opting to sit on the fuzzy toilet seat cover as I waited for her to finish. I don't feel like waiting alone in her room, and although I already felt pretty out of place, I push through and force myself to calm down. How many times have I gone and done the same thing in Cy's room? Or even Star's? I am a _friend_ , hanging out with a _friend_. And maybe if I keep telling myself that I might actually believe it.

She rinses her toothbrush, and although I'm already pushing the boundary of being a creep, I can't help but watch as she goes through her natural movements. She seems so relaxed, so at ease, even with me being in the room. I lean the back of my head against the wall and just watch her move, watch her shoulders flex against the thin fabric of her cheap sweater, watch her hair which is pulled back into a choppy ponytail fall down in little strands around her face, watch her ass as she shifts weight from one leg to anoth-

"Have you never seen anyone brush their teeth before?"

I snap to attention, sitting up and dragging my eyes up to meet hers. Her cobalt eyes catch my gaze, and I realize I'm too late. She tries to shield her grin from me, but I know that she knows. Look's like we're even.

I shake my head, not really wanting to talk and spoil the moment. I liked the domesticated feel of just existing in the same room together, at the same time. I liked just listening to whatever she was saying, even if it _was_ to berate me.

"You're just watching. I would hope you brush your own teeth."

Ah. Adorable.

As she turns to look at me I become acutely aware of myself. Am I dressed okay? I'm wearing a distressed T-shirt and black jeans, with holes pried out of the knees. I'm not going to lie, I actually took time to pick out my clothes before heading out to her room. I wanted something that said "casual" but also like, "Hey, I have a really terrible hard-on and I wanted to know if you wanted to put your mouth on it?"

Questions start popping into my head like cheap cherry bombs, going off one by one at rapid fire as her eyes link into mine. Is my outfit stupid? Is this shirt pretentious? Did she not want me in here? Am I making her uncomfortable? Did she just want to bang or did she actually like me? Is this all becoming too much?

The entire _thing_ , whatever this was between us, had been push with no pull, go with no yield. But here we are, in the bathroom, just sitting and looking at each other with the brakes pushed all the way down. I liked it, a lot actually, no touch or need. Except I did need, and I sure as hell wanted to touch.

"How are you?"

I decide to break the silence, mostly because I'm growing self conscious and the more I think the more I can't sit still.

She shrugs, a slender shoulder peeking out from her sweater collar. She can't be too conscious I guess. "I'm fine. How are you?"

"Fucking awful." I don't even blink as I say it, because it's true. Whatever empath-spell Raven has casted in me hasn't left, leaving me perpetually horny and touch hungry. I feel so emotionally vulnerable, and the worst part is she knows it. "These last few days have been hell."

It's been about a three days since I last saw Rae, and I spent most of the time jacking off and hiding out. All I can feel is sex and heat, and it's been tearing away at my insides bit by bit. I _had_ to come see her, because she obviously wasn't coming back to me, and I felt like I might go crazy if I didn't.

Training was my only form of relief, and Robin was definitely becoming suspicious. It's not like I was being sloppy, but my regular practiced actions and routines had been growing increasingly aggressive by the day. Regular training has become severely laxed due to the fact we aren't _actually_ being superheroes at the moment, but Robin could tell even by one-on-one fighting and simple obstacle courses that something was amiss. When he asked, I simply told him all this time in the house made me feel caged.

"Ha." He snorted. "A caged beast."

I hadn't laughed.

Raven looks at me, blinking slowly and sighing heavily. She seemed so… different. It was the same Raven, the same girl I've lived with for the past five years, but I can tell something is off. It's like I was looking at her, but through a reflection. It was her, but then again it wasn't.

"You're tense."

Her empath shit never ceased, even in the simplest of moments, and that irritates me.

"You clearly aren't." I try not to sound like a dick, but I can't help but be a little frustrated at the fact that she was just so… _unbothered._ "What's going on with you?"

She scowls, her perfect brows dipping in such a devastating way. "Nothing. Why is it such an awful thing? To be relaxed. You wouldn't question Starfire if you saw her brushing her teeth like a normal person in her room."

Yikes. A sensitive subject I guess.

"It's not a bad thing, I'm sorry." I raise my hands slightly, forcing myself to stay relaxed against the wall. "It's just different. It's weird seeing you so chill around me. I don't know what to expect from you. I mean, a little more than usual lately."

Another beautiful frown. "You're the one that so _casually_ strolled into my bathroom. How predictable is that?"

I shrug. I guess she is kind of right. Out of all the Titans in the tower, Raven and I had the least interaction. Where as Raven avoided me with purpose, I had grown to only speak when spoken to around her. It wasn't that we didn't get along, it was just that we always assumed we wouldn't. After years of her berating me and clearly not enjoying my sense of humor, everyone understood our personalities just didn't click. Yet, here we are.

She wets her lips with her tongue, and although I pretend not to notice I _definitely_ notice. It hit's my core, reminding me why I'm here and pouring gasoline on the trash-fire shaking through my bones.

"Jesus, don't do that." I breathe the words out, and although I try to be subtle I know she can sense my angst.

She just blinks, knowing but not knowing. Of course her empath powers can tap into my emotions, taste a drop of the flame roaring inside of me, it's only a single frame out of an entire moment. This has been lasting for the past _three days_ , and there's no way for her to understand the severity of that from one little drop.

I look back up at her, and her face gives her away.

"You need a better pokerface than that."

She blinks again, a look of worry painted across her pretty face.

"I'm sorry I-"

"How do you get rid of it?"

I don't feel like listening to hollow apologies, especially in the state I'm in. This stupid spell has been ruining me, and I simply needed it gone.

"I-" She stumbles over her words, something she rarely does but has done so often lately. "I can't remove it. At least with another spell. There's no way to un-do it."

Well, what the hell does that mean?

She shift, her legs dangling below her as she levitates, and I watch as she floats out of the doorway into the bedroom.

"Rae?"

No reply. Of course, she feeds me some sort of vague answer and ignores me when I reach out for clarification. Why does she feel the need to be so damn mysterious all the time? Not everything had to be so incredibly convoluted.

I hop up off of the toilet lid, marching off into the dim bedroom. She's on the bed, looking in my direction but not really looking at _me_. She looks dazed, and upset, but it's really hard for me to conjure up any form of sympathy right now. I'm beginning to get irritated, the fire resting in between my hips boiling over to the angst in my chest.

"Tell me what I have to do, Rae."

"Don't _call me that_." Her voice snaps, and it comes out as almost a hiss as her face turns away from me.

"For fucks sake," I walk around the bed, frustrated at the lack of answers and results I'm getting. I needed help, and she was the only person I was going to get it from.

I grip her shoulders as I kneel down, her knees splitting as I rest my elbows on her thighs. She's sitting on the bed, her legs kicked over the side, and I'm kneeling down on both knees in front of her in attempt to get her to face the issue. The issue being I can't get rid of my fucking hard-on.

"Dude, look at me. What do I have to do? Just tell me."

She glares down, her eyes heavy, and she looks more guilty than anything. I try not to let the thought scare me as she opens her mouth, a short sigh escaping it into the air before she speaks.

"It's an empath spell, I can't simply relieve it with another spell or un-do it. It has to deal with your emotions, which is tedious. The only way to get rid of it is to carry out with its original intent."

I nod, my mouth hanging open and my eyes wide, pretending to grasp whatever the fuck she just said. I replay the words in my head a few times, thinking hard before formulating an actual answer.

"The original intent… was to fuck."

She groans, her face shifting away from any emotion other than irritation, and I'm honestly relieved to see her looking closer to her normal self. It's more predictable that way.

"Yes, Beast Boy, it was to fuck."

I can't help but snicker at the sound of Raven saying "fuck," but as I lift my hands off of her shoulders and stand up in front of her, I'm pissed.

This was really fucked up.

Don't get me wrong, I would very much love the chance to bury Raven in her bed right now and take what I've been dying to have, but not like this. I couldn't stop looking at Raven, so confident and mature, as someone so naive at the same time. She was acting so sure, so positive that this is what she wanted and how she wanted it, but I didn't want her to look back and think about how her virginity was used for an itch that needed to be scratched.

She used her powers on me to make me want something I didn't, and it seemed so uncharacteristic of her.

Raven could be extremely selfish when it came to her personal life, but she was always so careful when it came to her powers. For her to abuse them over something like this was insane, especially for her.

I try to piece together her recent behaviour, attempting to correlate her emotions with recent events, but then it hit me like a bag of bricks.

Raven doesn't _have emotions_.

"Rae, where's your mirror?"

Her eyes widen, and she opens her mouth only to close it again. I stare down at her, the realization of the situation hitting me all at once.

"Where is it?"

She just continues to look up at me, mouth agape with no solid answer. She chokes out a cough, before a quiet voice slips from her mouth.

"I broke it."

* * *

-one month earlier-

Today was long. Most days were long, but today was especially long. Training had been a bitch, and then directly after we had to hold the world's longest meeting with Jump City Council. The entire team save for Robin had trouble holding their heads up, even Raven was dozing off as the Mayor described the probable campaign the Titans might have to enact.

I hated it, all the new rules and regulations, but I was only paying half attention. The other half of my attention was focused on Rae.

She was slouched in her seat, and she looked _awful_. I don't know if anyone else had been noticing, but she really hadn't seemed herself the past few days. Her hair was peeking out from behind her hood, and eyes were focused on the ends of her shoes. She was wearing a low collared leotard today, and her chest rose and fell with the pattern of her breathing. She looked sick or something, but I couldn't really put my finger on it.

I throw off my skin tight shirt as soon as I walk into the door of my room, a part of my stupid "superhero" costume. If it was up to me, I'd be fighting crime in a T-shirt and basketball shorts, like who decided we had to have these ridiculous clothes? But it wasn't up to me, so as I pry myself out of spandex pants all I can do is sigh.

It was a relief to be back in the comfort of my trashed bedroom. I had been meaning to take the laundry out for a few days, but really didn't feel like running into Starfire who damn near _lived_ in the laundry room and having to explain why all my clothes smelled like cigarette smoke. That girl has a nose on her like a hound dog, and there would be no way possible to get out of that. Robin would have an aneurysm.

I slowly drag myself into my closet, tossing the spandex shirt into a growing mountain of clothes before pulling down the matching bottoms. I was thinking about pulling over a hoodie and heading to the roof for a quick smoke break, but my train of thought was soon interrupted.

"Garfield."

I jump, almost a little too abruptly, my back dipping into the clothes hung in my closet and my legs planting into the ground, spandex still stuck up to the knee on my right leg.

She's at the end of my closet, her hair pulled back in a small, choppy, little pony-tail and a large, black, T-shirt-type-dress-thing draping over her body. What the hell does she want? You would think for someone who hated me so much she would leave me the fuck alone when I obviously needed it, but as I think back to how sick she looked in the meeting today I try to ease my temper.

I release an overwhelming sigh of relief into the air, but my relief only lasts for a second before embarrassment takes its place. I'm in my fucking underwear, and Raven is just chilling in my closet in my room like it's no big deal.

"Rae, what the actual fuck are you doing. You almost killed me."

I don't move, still somewhat scared by her presence. If you looked at Raven for too long, she _did_ kind of look like the girl from The Ring. And I honestly wouldn't be too shocked if one day Raven was planning to kill me in my sleep.

"I'm-" She stops, her eyes softening as they look into mine. "I didn't mean to scare you."

Oh shit. Empath stuff. I hope she doesn't know I compared her to The Ring chick.

I relax myself, shaking off the last piece of spandex from my leg and rubbing my eyes with the palms of my hands.

"No dude, you're fine, I'm sorry for freaking out." Another long sigh. I'm so damn tired, and I understand something might be up, but why does it have to be up this late at night? "It's like two AM Rae, what's up?"

She eyes down at my feet, her face refusing to meet my heavy-lidded gaze, and I think she might speak as she opens her mouth only to close it again.

I'm starting to grow a little concerned, I've never really seen her act this way, and I take a few steps forward before becoming acutely aware of her personal space. Especially me being in my underwear.

"Rae, are you good man?"

Wow, A plus comforting there Gar.

She finally looks up at me, her face relaxed and nervous at the same time. It's unnatural, seeing her so in her element. Raven practiced almost religiously to keep her face an emotionless void, but now, in the dim lighting of my closet, I could basically read her like a book.

"I… am feeling lonely."

I blink. Then I blink again. She was feeling lonely, and her first thought was to come here? Into my room?

Why not Star or Cy? Literally the two closest people to her in our group, why me? She spent almost one-third of her energy hating me on a daily basis, so what did I have that made her chose to spend time with me rather than them?

"Are you _sure_ you want to talk to me about it? This sounds more like a Star thing-"

"I would prefer to talk to you about it. It isn't a," She raises her hands sheepishly, mocking air-quotes with her fingers. "'Star thing.'"

I blink one more time. "Is it a _me_ thing?"

She nods.

The entire exchange is uncomfortable, as if she's speaking to me in plain language but it's a language I'm not fluent in. Her eyes bore into mine with a need for me to understand, to grasp the situation so she isn't forced to spell it out, and although I don't want to make her shy away I'm ultimately confused.

And then it clicks.

She's _lonely_. And it's a _me thing_.

I look down at her, and I've never really thought of Raven as someone who holds the capacity to be a sexual being until now, but I debate my options. Option number one: I ask her to clarify, but it would probably cause her to realize she's wasting her time with an idiot who doesn't understand demon-girl problems, and thus, cause her to leave. Option number two: I act on what I'm _assuming_ the situation is, and if I'm right I get an awesome night, if I'm wrong I face immediate death.

I decide to go with option two.

I step forward into the bubble that is Raven's personal space, popping it with extreme disregard as I lean slightly into the doorframe. Her body seems so small this close to mine, and I don't think I can ever remember being this close to Raven before. "You, uh, want to talk about it on my bed?"

I mean, obviously not my smoothest, but how else do you go about asking a girl like Raven to get into your bed with you? There's no smooth way to do it, and as I wait patiently for her reply I start to get a little worried.

Her face is a painting in the dim light of my closet, and her eyes are wide as they stare into mine. Everyone knows Raven is drop dead, almost literally, but for some reason in this moment her beauty is radiating off of her. I've never seen her so… normal looking. And I know that sounds like a fucked up thing to say, but it's true. She looks more like herself now than she ever has before, and it's crazy to think that I haven't been able to see it until now.

For a moment I think I fucked up. I see my short and fragile life flash violently before my eyes at the quick movement of her hand towards my body, but I actually don't die.

Her small fingers wrap around my forearm, and she nods as she slowly floats away from the closet with me following suit.

She floats over the various chip bag wrappers and discarded video game cases in the direction of my bed, and I'm fucking sweating. I've never been so nervous in my entire life, my body is shifting into a different state of mind as I recognize Raven recognizing me. That is what's happening, right?

"Raven…"

I feel like I'm having a lucid dream as I watch her turn and sit, her eyes glaring up and never leaving mine. My bed is messy and unmade, but she doesn't even comment on it, which is so unlike her. She just sits, pulling her long legs over the edge and stretching them out over the sheets as she leans against the frame. She's so loose, so comfortable and carefree, and although I'm confused I'm definitely not going to question it. I had other things on my mind.

Her free hand reaches and clamps around my adjacent elbow, and she drags me down around her, causing my palms to meet the frame behind her on either side of her head. She seems confident, she seems like a woman with a plan, almost like she's thought about it more than I have. I'm not going to lie, _yeah_ , I've thought about it. Who wouldn't though? Like I said, Raven is _devastating_ , and even though I'm two years her senior she's more mature looking than any girl I've ever seen.

"Raven, what are we doing?"

She breaks eye contact, her eyes glancing down to my chest and then the bed. The confidence she had previously is faltering, and I almost feel like a dick for putting her on the spot. I'm confused and sort of turned on, which is not a comfortable mix.

"You can do what you want."

Oh _shit_. That is definitely not the answer I'm expecting, and as she leans forward, her tentative and nervous lips brush softly at the edge of my jaw. I don't try to hide how my body visibly quivers under her foreign touch, and I release a slight gasp as I move enough to press myself into her. I'm gripping the bed frame like my life depends on it as her kiss grows more severe, more dangerous, dipping down to my collar bone with wandering hands simultaneously finding their way down my chest.

"Don't be scared…"

I barely choke the words out before releasing the cold metal frame and finding less familiar ground on the soft warm fabric draping over Raven's hips. I've somehow found my way between her legs, and as I pull her hips up to meet mine a soft groan pours from her mouth like melted chocolate. It's heavy and sickening sweet.

"I'm- I'm not-"

But I cut her off, because my lips are pressed roughly against her lips now, and I suck her bottom lip in between my teeth just hard enough for her hips to buck up into mine and-

"Wait," she shoves me, with a little more force behind it than I think she means, and I release her completely to the bed. This was scary enough as it is, and these dangerous waters were being tread very lightly. One wrong move was my absolute cease of existence, and probably the loss of a friend.

"Wait, yeah, waiting…"

I'm sweating, and panting, and my hands are raised up beside my head in fear of putting them where I shouldn't.

"Don't kiss me."

"What?" I'm still panting, my hands continuing to waiver in the air. "Why? Is this Pretty Woman or some shit?"

"I don't want you to. So don't do it."

Well, shit. Then what am I supposed to do?


	3. Chapter 3

a short fluffy chapter! also a song ive been listening to while writing this is twin flame by ghost town. hope you enjoy reading!

* * *

Believe it or not, after a hasty poll done by City Council, the citizens of Jump City came to the conclusion that Starfire and I were the two most attractive Titans.

It went like this:

1\. Starfire

2\. Me

3\. Cyborg

4\. Robin

5\. Raven

Something about a pink haired alien and a green monster boy _really_ got Jump City's blood pumping, and Robin was _devastated_ by the results. Cy and I had paraded around the tower like _gods_ as we celebrated our newfound city-wide-hotness. Now that I look back, I'm pretty sure everyone was extremely irritated with the both of us, except for Starfire. She was gushing at the seams with excitement, that is until the Council shared with us their proposal for the campaign.

Although Robin's seriously inflated ego took major damage points, my ego was greatly inflated, which lead me to agree to this stupid fake relationship. The city council wanted Star and I to be "star-crossed-lovers" or some shit like that. Robin was extremely against the idea for obvious reasons, but me and Star both knew that nothing would come of it. If anything, we'd make more headlines with our stupid shenanigans than anything else.

It started out as stupid paparazzi stunts, like going to get McDonald's together in the most crowded parts of town, or hopping out of the same car and lightly brushing hands against each other's shoulders. Just little things to make the media go crazy with speculation: "Are they together?" "How long have they been keeping it secret?" "Is she pregnant with a mutant-alien baby?"

It was definitely hilarious at first, and we all got a kick out of it, but now that I'm stumbling into the tower elevator at two in the morning with a _slightly tipsy_ Star, this whole thing was becoming a little regrettable.

It was our first official "date," meaning we got dressed up in matching garb and headed to some crowded, upscale club in the art-district downtown. Not really my kind of crowd, but it wasn't my decision to make. The council decided it was the best spot to officiate our false relationship to the public, and although I wasn't bursting at the seams with excitement, Starfire definitely was. She mentioned it to me everyday for a straight week after finding out, much to Robins annoyance.

So yeah, we went, and I won't lie when I say I had a great time. Although Star and I are on seemingly different wavelengths, we're pretty similar in the sense that we liked to have a good time. We are both big socialites, and I guess that what makes us so much more appealing to the public than Robin or Raven, who both rely on anonymity when it comes to socializing. I had no secret identity or background to hide, and neither did Star. What you see is what you get, a dumb mutant boy and an equally dumb alien girl. Jump City loved it.

We drank some, danced a lot, and then drank a little more. I can definitely see how Robin and Starfire work so well together considering she brings him out of his rugged shell a little. She's a wildflower, a little spark of color among the weeds, and he needed a little color in his dark life. She loved the lights and loud music, and she loved the fact that I loved it too. I'm guessing that although this isn't my scene, it's probably Star's scene, and I can't see Robin ever taking her anywhere like this. This little, fake-relationship must be her only outlet to really dip her foot in the water of normal teenage life, and I think she wants to abuse it as much as she can. So yeah, I show her a hell of a time, but now that we're back at the Titan Tower I think she may have had _too_ good of a time.

She's giggling, a little tooloud, and although everyone already knew we were going to be coming in late from our fake club date, I don't think they assumed we would both be hammered.

"Star, _shhh,_ everyone is asleep. For the love of Christ, just stop laughing."

I choke the words out in between stifled laughs, and I tighten my grip on her as I prepare to exit the elevator. Her arm is hitched over my shoulders, and she's wearing a purple PVC dress with a high collar and a huge cutout on her back. I consider picking her up like a princess and hauling her back to her room, but I couldn't imagine the outcome of running into Robin in the hallway with a drunk Star in a tiny latex dress. Probably not a good idea.

I'm wearing a black dress pants and a matching blazer, which is already douchey-looking enough. A purple button-up shirt underneath with the top few buttons undone _really_ adds the cherry to the cake, and compared to Star I probably looked like a petty drug-dealer. Of course we had to fucking match, which wasn't a big ordeal considering our "super-hero-color-schemes" were already pretty similar, but that meant we didn't get to pick what we wore. This of course, was no problem for Star, who thoroughly enjoyed feeling like a barbie doll every time the Council's stylist came by to raid our closets and have us dress in and out of various outfits. I, on the other hand, did not thoroughly enjoy it. I looked like a douchebag, but if this is what Jump City wanted, it's what I was going to have to give them.

"Garfield, friend, I need to do the resting. Just place me here on the floor of the elevator, I will return to the room of my bed once I am fully rested. I swear to you friend, Garfield, I just need to-"

"Nope. Nope. Get your alien ass up Star."

The elevator dings as we arrive on the Common Room floor, and she's currently going limp against my grip on her. She's trying her damnedest to will her body to hit the ground, and I'm just praying she didn't drink enough to throw up on my only dress shirt.

I grab her waist roughly, forcing her up straight as I drag her down the hallway in the direction of the common room. I had to get some food into this girl, or her hangover is going to be _violent_ in the morning.

"Garfield, my room is not this way! This is not the way to my room, it is the other way! You are lost, friend Garfield!"

She is damn near _squealing_ as I walk her through the metal sliding doors of the common room, and I pray that no one in the house hears her as the doors quickly shut behind us. At first I try to sit her up at the table, which doesn't work _at all_ , so I opt for the couch instead. I drop her on the suede cushions with a quick "oof" before stumbling past her into the kitchen. Yeah, I was kinda drunk, but nowhere near Starfire. She was such a lightweight, and in hindsight I should have intervened, but I really just wanted her to enjoy her night out. Is that such a terrible thing?

She pulls herself against the cushions of the couch, and she is having a hell of a time considering the latex of her dress doesn't agree well with the suede of the couch. She's making some sort of indecipherable babble as she manages to move herself to the center of the wraparound, propping her head in the corner as she watches me search the fridge.

"Star, what do you want to eat?"

She shrugs, a comfortable grin stretched across her face, and I can tell she is not going to be any help in the situation. I have no fucking clue what Star eats usually, like, how do you cure alien drunkenness? So I decide to roll with a grilled cheese, and no, it's not vegan, but it is a good for soaking up alcohol.

I get to work, grabbing the bread and shuffling for the cheese in the fridge. After slathering the bread with a quick layer of butter I throw the first sandwich onto the pan, and it sizzles loudly as the heat hits it. I say a quick thank you to whatever god is listening that the common room is noise-insulated, and flip the sandwich on the other side.

When Cy and I were a little bit younger, we liked to stay up late and play video games. The projector is attached to a crazy sick surround sound system, which the neighboring roommates didn't enjoy too much. Raven convinced Robin to insulate the room considering that her bedroom was right next door at the time, and Robin really didn't protest to the idea too much. It was done within the week, and late-night video games continued for years to come. I couldn't tell you the last time I actually played video games in here on the big projector, but the noise cancellation was a plus when faced with the problem of hiding my leaders drunk girlfriend from him.

"What are you doing?"

"Shit!" I jump, swinging the spatula wildly around me I as turn to face the voice beside me.

Raven is standing to the right of me, a little too close for comfort, wearing a black over sized shirt and black leggings. Her hair is halfway up, a tiny ponytail sticking out from the back of her head, and it kind of makes her look like a ninja. I keep the thought to myself.

"I'm, uh," I didn't really want Raven to know that Starfire was drunk across the room from us, because it _really_ didn't look too good on my part. Yeah, I like to have fun, but so does Star, and was I going to tell a grown woman she couldn't take five shots in five minutes? Nope. So I mean, _am I really the bad guy here_? Probably. "I'm making a grilled cheese."

"Friend Raven?" A bush of fire-red hair raises off the couch cushion behind me, and as Raven's eyes meet hers a look of realization paints over her face.

"Oh my go-"

"Friend Raven!"

Star topples off the couch, one heel on and another somewhere else in the tower, and as she makes her way into the kitchen I shoot Rae a lopsided grin. She does not shoot me one back.

"You're both drunk."

"I'm not drunk."

"Yes you are. I smell it."

Star pushes past me as I lift the sandwich from the pan, causing me to drop it somewhere on the counter, and collides into Raven with reckless abandon.

"I am so glad to see you friend Raven! I was going to wait until tomorrow to share with you the details of Garfield and I's date, but now I can tell you _right now_!"

The only way to describe the look on Raven's face after hearing this statement, Starfire wrapped around her to prevent herself from falling drunkenly to the ground, is sheer joy.

Raven has always had an incredibly large soft spot for Starfire. I think it's due to the fact that no matter what, Starfire tries her hardest to make Raven feel included at all times. Star has a hard time understanding social cues and body language, thus making it really difficult for her to pick up on when people want to be left the hell alone. This could be a gift at times though, because Star had perseverance like a mother fucker. She would badger Raven until the only option would be to cough up what was wrong, just for the sake of being left alone. As annoying as that might seem, Raven and Starfire had a pretty healthy relationship, with give and take from both sides.

Raven lifts her up, not with her hands but with some form of telekinesis, and moves Star behind her to the open chair I was attempting to put her in earlier. She sets her down with grace, and I'm kind of in awe as Star slowly lets her head fall over the table, her tired body slumping against the cold wood.

She's talking about something, not to me, but to Raven, and Raven looks as if she is trying her hardest to block it out. I glance over from the stove to see Raven's face in a twist of frustration, using a scrunchy from her arm to pull Star's long hair back into a messy ponytail.

"-and then we did the dancing! Did you know friend Garfield is actually a very skilled dancer? He is very much the talented. I enjoyed partaking in-"

"Please just eat your sandwich."

I try not to snicker as I place the sandwich on a plate, sliding it across the table to Star. I don't think I could ever conjure up feelings for someone who puts mustard on pizza, but the entire "fake relationship" thing was kind of fun. It was bringing us both a little closer, and I don't think I would have ever had the opportunity to try to teach Starfire how to whip otherwise.

We watch in silence as Star finishes her sandwich, and I even manage to coax her into drinking a glass of water before Raven "poofs" her into her bedroom.

The room is empty save for me, and I can tell I need to eat something just as bad as Star did. I may not be showing it, but I'm pretty fucked up. I have a better poker face than most considering all the booze me and Cy used to sneak in back in the day, but I know when I've had enough.

When Raven appears back into the common room I'm making myself a grilled cheese, and as I look down at her I can tell she's upset.

"You shouldn't have let her drink."

"Yeah, well, I'm not her babysitter. I'm her boyfriend."

"Partners know what's better for their partners health."

"Yeah? Is that why you cast a Viagra spell on me?"

Ouch. Maybe not a good time to bring that up again. Also, did I just insinuate that me and Raven were partners? Double ouch.

She's glaring up at me blankly, and I'm trying to avoid looking at her as I pick my sandwich up with a spatula and drop it on a plate. I didn't really feel like being reminded about the searing pain in my lower abdomen, but now that I've said it out loud it's all I can think about.

I didn't want to do anything sexual with Raven until she figured out the whole "I can't control my emotions" situation, and that was final. She had already taken advantage of me, and I didn't really feel like returning the favor. We had talked about it, and she couldn't understand where I was coming from, but I wasn't backing down. Although I wanted to, and still do, have sex with her, I have more respect for her as a person than just some solution to a problem. I had been developing some weird feelings for her through this entire ordeal, and I was having a difficult time spelling it out for myself.

I might have a _small_ crush. But only a small one.

I didn't want to just start throwing my dick around without knowing if she felt the same way.

"Do you want one?"

I make a motion with the spatula to the pan, an eyebrow hitching up on my face as she shakes her head.

"I ate earlier. I'm fine."

"You sure?" I motion to myself with my hands up and down before realizing I might be too drunk for social interaction right now. "World's best right here. In more ways than one."

She sighs, and although she's trying to be annoyed I can see a sliver of a smile painted across her face.

"I'll take half of one."

"Nah, you'll take a whole one."

I slide her the fresh sandwich I had just made as I turn to ready another one for myself. She only sighs, grabbing the plate before heading past me to the couch. Raven never ate at the table like a normal person, something about the domestication of it I think. She didn't feel like a part of our little family, so she made a point to separate herself from it. She was a bigger part of us than she knew, I just don't think she took the time to realize it.

I quickly fix myself another sandwich, and as I make my way down the steps to the couch Raven cocks a brow.

"What?" I shrug. "Am I not allowed to eat with you?"

She's still for a moment, pretending to contemplate her answer before gesturing lightly with her hand to the spot on the couch beside her. She's chewing through a mouthful of grilled cheese, and as I sit down carefully beside her I can tell she's enjoying it. I don't ask her because I already know, and I actually enjoy just the quietness of being beside her. It was nice, just to have company. I didn't feel any need or want, and it seemed like the closer I was to her the less I felt the fire in my hips. She dulled the pain, at least for a moment, but a moment was all I needed.

"How was your date?"

She's actually the first one to break the silence, which is different. I smile, because it shows a little effort on her part, and take a bite of my sandwich.

The date was fun, and it was nice getting an approved night to go and let loose a little, even if it was with Star. I'm not really a _club_ kind of person, but it's not like I had a bad time. I made the best out of what I was given, and it was funny doing stupid dances and intimidating civilians that attempted to hit on my fake alien girlfriend. We took a ton of pictures with fans, acted like idiots, and did anything else just to get us the positive media coverage we needed. At least whatever the City Council thought we needed.

"You know," I finish my bite, swallowing it as I look over and catch Raven's gaze. She looks a little tired, and it makes me wonder if she was just awake or waiting up for me. "I think it would've been better with you."

She stops chewing, for just a second, but I take notice of it. Raven didn't get to feel wanted very often, and I wanted to be that person for her.

We sit in comfortable silence as we finish our food, and after I wash the dishes and she puts away the bread, we "poof" back to her room.


	4. Chapter 4

Wow I have definitely been struggling with this chapter! I actually rewrote three different versions of this chapter, and this is a combination of the two I liked best! I've been going through some serious writers block/art block recently and this fic isn't the only thing suffering from it, so bare with me lol!

Also, thank you all so much for your feedback! It keeps me a-goin. Hope you guys enjoy this chapter!

* * *

"Guess you're not busy?"

I lift my head off of the bed, peeking down over the edge of the loft to the doorway of my room. I swear I didn't even hear the door open, but sure enough, there he was in the middle of my room.

I toss my head back down, keeping my eyes plastered to the ceiling and my thoughts blank. I was hiding out in my room to prevent a small mental breakdown, but it looks like a few of us can't quite take a hint. Maybe if I was as big of an asshole as Raven people might ease up on my personal space, even the nice guys needed a break. Robin doesn't take breaks.

"What's up?"

I hear two footfalls, combat boots on a concrete floor, but they stop at the edge of the ladder leading to the lofted bed.

"That's actually what I came to ask you."

A soft sigh escapes my mouth, the rising anxiety in my chest a constant pressure that seems impossible to relieve. Part of Robin's skill set included being a super snoop much to our dismay, it was hard to keep anything on the down low around him. I rolled different excuses around in my head, pushing ideas back and forth until my brain and my mouth could agree on something that sounded slightly believable. Except they never did, I just lay here in my bed. Maybe if I'm quiet enough I can pretend he's not even here, and maybe if he's quiet enough I might be able to actually get some damn sleep.

I haven't gotten good sleep since the morning after Star and I's date. I stayed in Raven's room, drunk and emotionally vulnerable, and we spent the night playing twenty questions. It's crazy to think that after almost five years of living together, I still didn't even know the people sharing the same house with me. Granted, I was definitely drunk and I don't remember half of what I asked or answered, but I remember the feeling of simply being with someone. I wanted to feel it again.

Except I couldn't, because I was too busy feeling like shit. My body was a prison, and the combination of Raven's flame and my own beastly impulses had turned me into a sociopathic mess. My need for sustenance and stimulation had prevented me from functioning as a normal human being, not that I was even one in the first place. I could feel my behavior around my peers shifting in a direction I didn't like, my words twisting and my personality manipulating my actions. I hate who I have become, but if I hide him in this room I don't have to deal with him, right? It wasn't worth slipping up in front of Raven, her empathic neurons locking in on my developing personality disorder.

So yeah, that's what's up. But that's not what I say.

"It's the anniversary of Terra leaving."

The words leave my lips in a firm tone, an answer to a question, but towards the end of the sentence I can sense the cowardice and guilt of my excuse coating my voice.

Technically I'm not lying. It'll be three years tomorrow, and yeah, thinking about it doesn't make me particularly happy. But that's not the reason I'm like this, that's not the reason for my miniature depressive episode and recent lurking around a particular team members room.

Should I tell him that I'm the least of his issues? That an out of control demon-girl is counting down like a ticking time bomb to when she isn't able to control her emotion-fuel powers anymore?

It feels so unfair, to be under Robin's microscopic speculation considering the bigger issues at hand, but then again it's not like anything was really going even-steven for me anymore. My life felt like a coin toss, a fifty-fifty chance that the worst-case-scenario would happen, and I just keep guessing the wrong side every time.

But then again, maybe I'm just being melodramatic. That was Raven's job.

"Yeah, it is." Robin's breath is short, and I can tell he knows I'm spewing bullshit. "But I think there's a little more to it than that."

Quick, another answer, something to get him out of the room and his voice out of my ears. My chest is swelling, my head is fuming, and all I wanted was to be left alone.

"Uh, I'm going through like, superhero origin story stuff? You know how it goes." I sit up in the bed, glancing from the corner of my eye at the guy taking up all the air in the room. "Thanks for the chat, I really have to get busy catching up on uh... stuff."

I've always been a terrible fibber, from day one in the tower it was clear that I wasn't going to be able to get away with much. From my younger years, pulling pranks on roommates and stealing food from the pantry, to more recent, sneaking out and stealing food from the pantry. Robin could read through my facade like I was made of glass, but he could also see the pleading look in my eyes begging him to leave it alone.

"Yeah, I can tell you got a lot going on here." He turns on a pivot, kicking over an empty Pringles can (which are vegan, by the way) as he makes his way to the door. He seems defeated, as if he came in with a purpose that wasn't fulfilled. Robin was a good leader, a leader that felt obligated to help resolve any issues within his team, and I felt like shit having to hide something like this from him.

I mean, it wasn't really like I _had_ to hide it from him, but was I really going to tell him that my dick was as hard as metal bat and I couldn't get it to go away? No.

"Robin," I sit forward, leaning over the edge of the loft just enough to expose my chest, just enough for him to see my face. "You know I'll come to you if I need you."

He pauses, the metal door sensing his presence and sliding open obediently. I can feel him choosing his next words, playing out possible sentences in his head to find the correct reply. Robin was tedious like that, careful to map out his conversations so not to be misunderstood. I think it has something to do with Slade, the constant manipulation and gaslighting putting a kink in the chain somewhere in Robin's head. I hated to see him struggle to form a neutral response, struggle to recognize if the words he was using in a simple conversation with a friend could be pinned against him later on down the line.

"Sometimes I worry you won't."

And then he's out the door, and the room feels as empty as it was before he came in.

I wanted to tell myself that it was better this way, it was better to hide in my shame alone in this room with no witnesses, but it wasn't. I was going to eventually have to leave. I couldn't stay in this bed forever.

I lay back down, my body coated in a slick coat of sweat as I pin my eyes back onto the popcorn ceiling.

I was going to eventually have to leave, and then everyone would see me for who I really was. I'm down to my core at the moment, and no amount of shitty humor and chain smoking could cover it up.

* * *

 _i want you_

 _to make believe it's the first time_

 _and i gotta say to you,_

 _love will find a way_

 _and that's always true_

* * *

Heels. Ink black heels and a tiny black tattoo of some unknown symbol right above the ankle. Ink black heels, a tiny tattoo, and slits up the sides of her dress all the way up to her hips.

I tried my hardest to avert my eyes, to focus on the guests, to make petty small talk, anything but acknowledge my absolute ruin on the other side of the room. My breath is short, I'm sweating a little, and the glass in my hand is clenched with white knuckles. Or, at least, a very light shade or green.

I'm sure people are noticing, just too polite to say anything. I look like I'm coming down from something, which technically I am, and I want desperately to relapse.

The Gala was, of course, the Council's idea. A fundraiser where you bid on dates with the cities most elite, which included us apparently. We all had to dress to the nines, me in an all black suit, Starfire in an all-white strappy dress, and Raven in a tight black dress that exposed her entire thigh on both sides. It was a simple dress, black with spaghetti straps and a sweetheart neckline. Whoever picked out that damn thing for her to wear had a date with me in hell, but not before I had a date with her in her room later tonight.

I have been extremely reserved when it came to physical contact with her, but now that I am in the same room with her like this, smokey makeup painted across her eyelids and black lipstick painted over her perfect lips, I'm dying. Or close to it.

It had been a week since Star and I's date, and this was supposed to be some sort of romantic thing for the two of us. The plan was that I was going to dramatically outbid every other suitor when it came down to Star's turn on stage, and the hearts of the citizens of Jump City would throb.

Our pretend romance had calmed down significantly in the past week considering the trouble we had gotten ourselves into with tabloid headlines, and Robin wasn't the slightest bit appeased. We had stumbled clumsily into the backseat of our ride, and the pictures taken by nearby paparazzi didn't look good on either of us. What the Titan's all knew to be me and Star, close and comfortable friends, the magazines knew to be sex-fueled superhero teenagers.

The pictures were of me and Star in the backseat of a black Tahoe, me slumped over against the opposite window as Star crawled into the seat after me. Context and angles are everything, and of course there was no context there. We're both laughing in the pictures, and although we were just trying to have a good time, Robin was not excited about the gross headlines we were making. Jump City was though.

I tried to rethink what I'm supposed to be doing here, how I'm supposed to be acting and who I'm supposed to be talking to. Everything was politics now, opinions and voices are what the fragility of our superhero status relied on, but all I could think about is how I never noticed that stupid tattoo until now. All I can think about is the throbbing, loud music and the way Raven looks so comfortable as she mingles, a glass of wine clasped in her delicately manicured hands. Her fingernails came to a glossy, black point, and it was hot. Whoever styled her did the perfect amount of goth and class, and you could tell she knew it. Raven paraded herself across the room, a beautiful witch clashed against the gold and white Gala, and although I knew my all-black outfit was supposed to compliment Star's all-white dress, deep down I was excited at the thought of Raven and I sharing the same color scheme.

I take a sip of my liquid courage, thanking god Jump City knew how to throw a party as I made my way through the crowded ballroom against the loud music. I had my eyes on the prize, I knew what I wanted and I was going to fucking get it. I couldn't stop thinking about what I would do with that dress hitched up, the backs of her knees pressed against my shoulders and black lipstick smeared down her chin. I wanted it _now_ , wanted her to take us away from this damn party and take us somewhere dark and quiet. Just anywhere but this room, filled with hundreds of people all looking at her.

She spots me as I approach her, and I can see her face lift as she notices me. She turns her body to face me, and as she removes herself from whatever conversation she was having I sigh with relief. I don't think I could have handled sharing her any longer.

"Well," I throw my hands in the air shallowly as I try my hardest to mock frustration. "One of us is going to have to change."

She sends me a light smile, her eyes glancing down at her drink as I look past her to see who she was talking to.

Oh. It's Aqualad.

"Beast Boy," He's wearing a light blue button up with the sleeves rolled back, and as he extends his hand out to mine I try not to comment on his ponytail. "It's been a while."

I nod, shooting him a friendly smile as I make my way in front of Raven to meet his handshake. I wanted to separate the two of them, and what I really wanted was to punch him in his smug face. I never liked Aqualad, even from the get-go he seemed off to me. Maybe it was because he's some rich prince of an underwater kingdom, and I couldn't really see how that made someone a superhero. Or maybe it's because he's been putting heavy moves on Raven since day one.

They _are_ the same age, but I really didn't give a fuck. I would drag his fish-ass right off the edge of this tower, especially tonight.

"You don't have to call me Beast Boy, seriously," I grip his hand, giving it a strong shake before releasing it and leaning back to stand beside Raven. "My friends call me Gar."

He smiles, tipping his glass up to me as I feel Raven's cold hand press lightly against my back. It's not a motion of affection, but more of a slight warning, as in, "don't embarrass me in front of this guy I like."

"Well, Gar, congrats on your new girlfriend. I can tell from the magazines you two have a good time together."

Ah. This guy was asking to get knocked the fuck out. Everyone in the Titans, whether it was East or West, knew about the difficult situation we had recently been put in. They were under strict guidance from the Council just as we are, and for him to comment on Star and mine's false relationship was unnecessary. In the purest sense, this guy was a dick.

"Hey, no need to be so 'crabby' man, am I right? Ariel not been giving it to you lately or-"

"Um, Garfield? Can I talk to you for a moment?"

Raven's small hand clasps around my bicep, and I keep direct eye contact with Laddy as she pulls me to the side of the room. It's quiet in this corner of the room, and although she's frustrated with me I can't help but be glad to be out of the crowd.

She's looking up at me through smokey eyes, her brows dipped in a devastating scowl. God, my dick is throbbing in my pants, and I really don't know how much more of this shit I can take.

"Did I mention how absolutely stunning you look tonight? Also I don't really see why you'd waste your night talking to fishstick over there but, hey, to each their own-"

"Are you drunk?"

Shit, am I drunk? This was my second glass, but I wouldn't really define this as drunk. I was tipsy, yeah, but more than anything I'm wound up. I have had just about all I can take of this stupid spell, and I had to do something about it before I lost my damn mind.

"No. Use your empath shit. I promise." I fiddle with my glass, avoiding eye contact as I study the room around me. I couldn't handle looking down at her any longer, or I might do something regrettable. "I'm not feeling too hot. Or maybe I am. Fuck, I don't know."

"You have to pull yourself together."

"Maybe I need you to do it for me."

I'm asking for what she's been wanting, I'm pleading with my eyes for the very thing I've been rejecting, and she could make me continue to suffer if she really wanted to. She could turn and walk away from this corner, swim back into the crowd and back to salmon-man, and have a better night without me. At least she would think so.

I could give her a hell of a fucking night, I just need her to say yes, I just need her to "poof" us out of this stupid ballroom and into any dark, quiet, empty room. I wanted to occupy the her room as well as the space between her legs, I felt like a glowing "No Vacancy" sign but the "No" had finally dimmed.

Her eyes are basically plugged into mine as she takes another sip of her wine. She's trying to come off as casual, trying to masquerade the conversation so if there are any witnesses or stray eyes they won't be able to tell I'm a ticking time-bomb. They're playing some song that thuds in my chest over and over again and it's only making things worse, heightening my anxiety and causing me to want to bust every speaker in this stupid building. I can't take this environment, especially in this state, and I couldn't wait for Raven to make up her mind.

"I have to go."

I turn away from her, not wanting to look at her anymore in fear of what I might do, and as I dip back into the crowd in order to make my way to the door I hear her call my name.

The room is thick with people who I don't know, local celebrities socializing with shitty politicians, and as I push through I feel hands patting me on the back, brushing my shoulders, running over my arms. It's the wrong kind of touch, foreign and the opposite of intimate. Everyone wanted the chance to have their hands on me, take a piece of me with them, and it reminded me of Raven just a bit.

The next person that reaches out is a lower-level reporter from some dumb celebrity magazine. I have no idea why they are here, but as her fingers brush against the smooth fabric of my sleeve I retort with a heavy growl. My voice is deep, and it vibrates through my body in a primal wave, and she takes the hint. My only regret is looking up to see her face.

I push past her, not wanted to linger over the thought of what this spell is really bringing to the surface, and rush faster through the cluster to the exit.

"Whoa, Garfield," My shoulder roughly brushes that of Robin's, and as his face meets mine I can sense a look of concern seeping from behind his thin, black mask. "Where are you going?"

"I uh," He's talking to a group of important looking people, and now they are all importantly looking at me. I'm trying to conjure up some solid string of words, a viable excuse to excuse me from this entire room. I catch Robin in the eyes, hoping he can read the urgency on my face. "Bad tofu. Gotta go."

I dip away from the circle, a tiny group centered in the middle of a growing crowd. Robin doesn't call after me, he doesn't try to remind me of the Council's stupid plan or the public eye, he just lets me leave.

If it wasn't me, if I wasn't here, would it be Aqualad instead? I was beginning to relapse on the same recurring fear that Raven was just a stray hand in the crowd, wanting something for only a moment. Once her touch is received, is she just going to disappear?

And then I'm gone.

What once was the crowded space from the ballroom to the exit is now Raven's bedroom door from this inside. I blink a few times, taking a moment to readjust to my new surroundings. I stumble back, feeling incredibly nauseous and light headed, deciding to blame it on the teleportation rather than the impending anxiety attack.

"Hello?" I fumble around for a moment, looking over my shoulder as I walk through the room to the bathroom, making sure I was alone.

I walk back into the dimly lit closet after checking the bathroom, the emotions and feelings from the ballroom boiling over in my chest. I'm trying to hold it together, trying my damnedest to save face and remain composed, but after the realization that there's no one here to witness the emotions unfolding inside of me, I'm done for.

There's no holding back the flood of relief that pours through my veins as I choke back a quick sob, rushing out of the closet and into the confined bathroom. Gasped breaths come out over and over, my chest dips into my ribs and back up again and for a second I think I might hurl. I press my arms into the wall as I lean into it, hiding my face away from the dull light coming from the doorway and pretending that I'm not wearing a fucking suit right now.

Small tears are bubbling up at the corner of my eyes, and I curse under my breath. I overdid it, I should have left the ballroom a long fucking time ago.

I don't think I can do this dumb relationship with Starfire anymore, and I definitely don't know how I feel about my dumb relationship with Raven. I wanted her, _god_ I fucking wanted her, but did she want me in the same way? I wanted to fuck Raven, to relieve the sexual turmoil in my groin that had been fiending for her body for the past few weeks, but what happened after that? All of this between the two of us had been happening due to this stupid spell, and once it's gone there's nothing left. There's no reason for her to stick around, no reason for her to continue this charade of a relationship we've coaxed ourselves into. I would be her first, and when she thought of it she would think of a mistake. She would be reminded of how she lost control and consequently had to fuck her annoying roommate, who consequently caught feelings _way_ too strong. Is that really what I wanted?

"Garfield."

I yank my face in the direction of the doorway, her silhouette standing gracefully in the dull lighting of the room behind her. I almost snicker, considering how angelic she looks in this moment.

I open my mouth, and entire monologue of words hiding behind my tongue, only to close it again. I didn't want to talk, but at the same time I did. I wanted to spill my guts to her here in her tiny victorian themed bathroom, but I knew that afterward she might not view me the same.

"Raven," I pause as she steps into the room, the closed space between us growing increasingly intimate with the energy of the moment. "I have to get some shit off my chest."

"The vegan fondue fountain was spoiled."

"I know you don't to hear what I'm about to- what?"

She blinks, her beautiful smokey eyes pointed up into mine as I grip onto the wall as my life depended on it, my eyes swollen and puffy from crying. "The vegan fondue fountain was spoiled."

I blink back at her, confusion sweeping over me as I try to understand how this was at all relevant to the conversation.

"Yeah, that's uh, certainly important right now."

"You and I have come down with a terrible case of food poisoning, and now we are unable to participate with the Council's events for the next three days."

I blink again.

"Vegan fondue doesn't spoil, Raven."

I can see the fluttering optimism in her eyes falter as it is quickly replaced by sheer irritation.

"Well this vegan fondue _did_. And now, due to physical and emotional damages, we have three days to ourselves."

I allow my body to relax as her words sink in, and even in the dim lighting of the bathroom she looks as beautiful as ever. Three days, three days without having to deal with the Council's bullshit. I was supposed to partake in another date with Star, as well as participate in an charity event in a different county on the other side of Jump City. Of course there was other small things in between, such as Council meetings and clothes fittings with stylists, but now I didn't even have to do that. I had three days, threes days of being left alone. _We_ had three days.

"To ourselves? Like, together?" I sound sheepish, but I didn't want to jump the gun. Me and Raven still weren't on solid ground with the status of our newfound friendship/relationship/whatever this was going on between us.

She nods, and for a second I think she might be tapping in on my emotions. Maybe she's as nervous as I am about the entire thing, but knowing that is all the validation I need to show that Raven might be interested in something a little more.

"I know you haven't felt yourself," She's moving closer ever so slightly, hesitant as she lifts a gentle hand towards me. "I feel responsible. Hopefully I can make up for the damage I've caused."

Her palm brushes the smooth fabric stretching over my bicep, and the warmth of her touch is comforting. I relax against it, feeling like an animal being coaxed out of a trap. A lot of the time being around Raven puts me on edge, causing me to be cautious with my actions as well as my words. I've never been one hundred percent comfortable around her, especially as of late. I strive to impress and not push my boundaries, but now, in this moment, she was pushing the boundaries I had set.

And it felt good.

I move forward into her touch, feeling her hand run up my arm and make its way over my shoulder as I dip my body into hers. Her warmth encompasses mine, and I when I look at her I no longer feel scared. Scared of not meeting her standards, scared of not sharing the same wants or needs, scared of taking something that shouldn't be taken, scared of Raven. I feel safe in knowing that maybe, just maybe, this shit might actually work out.

I press a hand against Raven's hip, the slick fabric of her dress running under my fingertips as I place my other hand against her jaw. It fits perfectly against my palm, and her eyes widen as I dip down, the strap on her left shoulder slinking down and baring her collarbone.

I press my lips into hers tentatively, her kiss inviting and deprived. Her lips are soft, and I only now notice how the make up previously painting them has been removed. I keep moving, kissing her over and over in waves, coaxing her mouth open and holding her head up with my hand. She moves her body closer to mine, presses her hips into me in a way that doesn't read as want, but of something 's literally in the palm of my hands, and although I know things are still complicated and this isn't the end to our story, I feel confident in us.

I pull away, and she mewls with discomfort at the sudden lack of touch. "Raven," My voice is hoarse, and it cracks as I attempt to gather my bearings. "I have to ask you something. I don't want to take this any further without knowing."

Her eyes are like the moon, the candles lighting her bedroom reflecting off of her bathroom mirror and highlighting the bone structure of her face. "Okay."

"If I have sex with you, right now, are you still going to stick around afterward? I want…" A heat rises behind my face in embarrassment as I struggle to find the right words. "I want more with you than just one night."

Her face is blank, and I brace myself for an answer that I may not want to hear. Although I'm obviously hoping for a "yes," I might not get one. I had to prepare myself for that, and I had to prepare myself for what might happen afterwards as well. If she says no, are we still going to have sex? Would I even want to? Am I willing to live with this inside of me if Raven isn't the one to take it away? How long would I be able to hold out until the beast tearing away at my personality gives way, and would I be willing to risk that over Raven's chastity?

"Gar," Gar, a nickname that has been given to me since I was very young, and said to me millions of times by millions of people, holds such a different power here in the current context of the situation.

"As far as I'm concerned, you can have every single night from this point on."


	5. Raven's Interlude

_This is a break from the story to show previous events from Raven's POV! The rest of the story will continue in Garfield's POV, but I thought this would be a nice break to tie up some loose ends and give a little context. Hope you enjoy!_

* * *

 _i know you haven't felt yourself,_

* * *

 _-three months earlier-_

My room is dark, but I generally like it that way. Harsh light is not my friend, especially considering I am the least attractive Titan according to Jump City.

It has been a long day, to say the least.

Days that include meetings with the Council are expected to be long, but this one was _ridiculous_.

" _We'll be signing you on a stylist."_

" _It's_ cute _, the whole 'goth' thing, but maybe you should try to be more appealing?"_

" _If you were a tad bit more social, maybe it wouldn't be such a hassle. Try opening up!"_

I don't open up, I don't need a stylist, and I am _not_ "goth." The council was so heavily focused on material things, things that are shallow and easily entertaining to the public eye. My body was a vessel, and I can't help that I have a different view on "fashion" from Jump Cities youth, because to be completely honest I don't think any of Jump City's older population really gives a damn. I could be fighting crime in a potato sack and it wouldn't be any different to them, but we needed to be _pretty._ Which was apparently a lot more difficult to achieve than what I had expected.

And there's the whole "fake relationship" thing.

Granted, I didn't think Robin would actually _allow_ something like that, but he was scrambling. We all are. We want to desperately repair our good image, gain back the affection of the public and get back to defending the people and patrolling the streets. At least that's what the council wants us to think.

We really don't need their approval, and I'm positive that Robin and I are the only two in the group aware of that. The Council can't control us on a federal level, and as long as we have approval and funding from the state we could continue business as usual. Though, it would definitely save us a lawsuit or two to take the Council's route.

The Council's route being media stunts and a complete makeover.

When the Council announced the results of the poll today to the team, you could see it all on their faces. It wasn't anything that had to be said, and while Beast Boy and Victor basked in the glory of their newfound attractiveness, I could tell they were all thinking the same thing. I was last, the least attractive Titan, but I doubt any of them expected it to affect me like it has.

Of course, I would never let them know that. But it was hard, hard to stand in the shadow of Starefire's bountyful beauty and personality, and hard not to let my human emotions affect my actions. I kept them in check every day, carefully organizing them and meditating on each one. Without careful concentration, it would be all too easy to lose control, which is something I can't afford to do. Each emotion is as strong as another entire being inside of me, and I can never allow myself to slip and let one of those beings take the reigns.

Except I did.

The scattered shards glitter under the candlelight through the shag carpet, littered in between the fallen books and splintered wood. I had let go of the wheel, but someone else had grabbed it and pushed the pedal to the floor. It was a combination of the results of the poll and the approval of Star and Beast Boy's fake relationship. I couldn't stop letting the insidious thoughts infest my head, and I could keep hearing them in little whispers.

 _if you weren't such a child_

 _if you were just a little prettier_

 _if you weren't so naive_

 _if you were just a little more seductive_

 _maybe you could be wanted, but you're not_

I had let go of the wheel, but someone else had grabbed it and pushed the pedal to the floor. And now the remains of my mirror were scattered across the carpet, and there was no way to reach my emotions. Meditation without this mirror was near impossible, and even if I tried it would take every last bit of my energy to reach my emotions without the easily accessible help of the mirror.

In layman's terms, I'm fucked.

I can't stop looking at the pieces, not really wanting to believe that it's real. Such an idiot mistake, something that was so incredibly uncharacteristic of me. How could I have been so stupid as to lose control like that? Not only have I put myself in danger, but now everyone in this household is in danger as a consequence.

My powers are completely controlled by the preservation of my emotions, but now there was nowhere for them to go but out. Who's to say what will happen when I can't keep them in?

A heavy knock rings through the room, and I snap my head away from the mess I've created to the cold gray of the metal door. It was late, as in it was almost the morning, who else could possibly be awake right now?

I step forward tentatively, my feet pressing roughly into glass and wood as I walk in a straight path across the floor.

"Rae? Rae, you up?" His voice is soft, but somehow sturdy at the same time. I flinch at the sound of it, not expecting to hear him at a time like this. I couldn't stop thinking about him all day, much to my demise, and now he was here. I had put the energy out into the world and it had came back to me.

"What do you want, Beast Boy. It's late."

Shuffled foot steps and moving shadows dance from under the crack of the door, I startled him.

"Hey!" His voice breaks over the greeting and I can feeling his anxious energy seeping through the door. I needed him to _stop_ , to _go away_. Everything he was feeling was so strong, and I was feeling it in consequence. "Me and Star are going to McDonald's, I figured I'd ask if you wanted anything? On me, consider it a treat."

Of course, he was going on a date. I have no reason to feel this, no reason to act this way over something like this. It was a waste of energy, and I could feel his energy leaking from him all over the damn place. He was radioactive, and I was about to blow.

"Go away. I don't want your 'treat.'"

Wrong, wrong answer. The nervous emotions rolling off of Beast Boy in waves are now high tides, a tsunami of anxiety and rejection pushing through my body as I instantly regret my words.

" _If you were a tad bit more social, maybe it wouldn't be such a hassle. Try opening up!"_

 _This_ is why I am unattractive, _this_ is why I am unwanted. I have no reason to push away right now, especially in the mess of my broken mind, what left was there to lose? Yet here I am, pushing and pushing and pushing with no pull. All he can do is push back.

"Ah, typical." He's so damn resilient, I can't believe he's able to pull off this facade when I can _feel_ how I've damaged him. "You'll let me be nice to you someday, Rae."

And then he's gone, sneakers on concrete down the hallway, on his way to his late night escapade with Star.

Maybe one day I will let him be nice to me, but it wasn't going to be today. I didn't deserve it, and as I stare down at the mass of ripped paper, shattered mirror shards and bent and broken furniture, I'm not sure what I deserve.

Maybe a day off.

* * *

 _what left was there to lose?_

* * *

 _-three weeks later-_

Smoking isn't something that superheroes do, and it definitely isn't something _I_ do. Well, at least until now.

We had gone on a undercover mission years ago is a nearby high school. I, being the youngest of the group, was volunteered by my peers to infiltrate the junior class in order to get more intel on what exactly we were dealing with.

It ended up being something completely trivial, a group of teenager fiddling around with dangerous spells unbeknownst to them. They had almost released some seriously dangerous other-dimensional creatures through a portal under the bleachers into the surrounding area, but lucky for them and everyone else I was there to close it.

While hanging out with a group of depressed high schoolers for two weeks I smoked a few cigarettes, if only to fit in. But now, the sharp scent of tobacco invading my nostrils, I was starting to actually crave another.

I snap my head in his direction, his jaw clenched and earbuds pressed deep into his pointed ears. His face was stubbly, and there were small bags lining under his eyes. I can feel him sapping the energy out of the room, his negativity a void in the high-energy area that is the tower gym.

Cyborg was on the adjacent side of the room using some machine I wasn't familiar with, but it wasn't like he needed it. If anything Victor went to the gym to stay close to the human parts of himself, and it helped him to silence his dysphoria if only for an hour or two. He was a machine, literally, and I don't think I've ever seen him get tired.

Beast Boy, on the other hand, seemed close to destroying himself. He had been awake all night, and it didn't take being an empath to tell.

He was currently doing a set of curls with his left arm, his eyes in a dead stare at the mirror in front of him. He's wearing black basketball shorts and a gray sleeveless shirt made of a breathable fabric. His clothes are painted with a gradient of sweat, lining his collar and arms, and I turn away as I notice the short crop of his shirt to prevent allowing my eyes to linger.

Being in the gym with both Victor and Beast Boy at the same time was definitely a quick way to diminish one's confidence, and I was starting to wonder why I had even come down here in the first place.

I had thrown on a pair of yoga pants and a sports bra, an over-sized sweater zipped up all the way and slinking over my shoulder. I wanted to get some running in, but I didn't know I was going to have an audience.

I slip behind Beast Boy, his eyes focused in on himself in the mirror and his mind focused in on his music. I'm good at making myself small, blending into the background and allowing people to glimpse over my presence. I didn't want to stick out, didn't want any attention, especially now.

His eyes catch mine as I pass behind him, and I feel like a deer in the headlights. My heartbeat feels as if it's spiking and pausing at the same time, an upper and a downer mixed into my drink. His face softens, jaw relaxing and a thin grin spreading over his face. I slow my walking, gauging the situation for the proper social response, and shoot him the weakest half-wave as a sad greeting.

He looks amused at this, and his thin grin turns sinful as his canines are exposed, the sharp edges peeking over his bottom lip. I turn away, rushing around the corner through the maze of equipment to the dim-lit back of the gym, needing the solace and needing to forget the god-awful social interaction I just had.

 _if you weren't such a child_

 _if you were a little more talkative_

 _if you weren't such a prude_

I set my large metal water bottle into the treadmill cup holder, the condensation slicking the palm of my hand. I wipe it off on my jacket as I strip it from my body, tossing it onto a nearby bench and sighing with relief. I'm already sweating and I haven't even turned on the machine yet.

 _Emotions_. I wish I was soulless, I wish I was a void that could soak these feelings up and never spit anything back out. Interactions produced reactions against my consent, and my face betrayed me and put these products on display.

It wasn't like he was acting any different towards me, it was that I was digesting the actions in a different way. I wasn't in my right mind, almost too literally, and Beast Boy's normal attempts at socializing with me were becoming something else in my head.

I breath in and out, focusing myself back onto a silent wavelength of energy, centering myself and finding my calm. I care here to run, I'm going to run.

I set the treadmills pace onto a medium jog, wanting to practice my endurance more than my speed. I may be the smallest of the Titans, but next to Robin I was one of the fastest. To put my spells into a combative practice was not only difficult, but time consuming. I had to be fast, or else I was sure to fail.

I chant a mantra to myself as I start up, closing my eyes and erasing the lingering energies from the room around me. I never went to school on earth, but I think I would've been apart of the track team if I did. I could see myself doing well considering how much I actually enjoyed running. You could easily lose yourself, forget where you are and who you are. Your brain puts so much focus into stabilizing your body that have less room to focus on everything else. Everything else being _very large._

I jog for a while before bumping the treadmill up a few paces, needing a challenge and becoming bored of the slow pace. The speed feels good in my calves, stretching and working my muscles in a way that was pleasant now, but wouldn't be later. I clothes my eyes again, chanting my my mantra and steadying my brea-

Cigarette smoke.

"Hey, didn't know we had two Speedy's in the Titans."

I snap into levitation, trying to save myself from embarrassment as my feet fall unsteady against the fast moving track. My breathing is erratic, and I'm being forced out of my calmed mental state. Sharp irritated breathes fall in and out of my mouth in quick gasps, my eyes raising to catch Beast Boy's gaze.

His skin is slicked in a layer of dewy sweat, his brows are low and his eyes are wide. I can feel his dominant energy as well as smell the pheromones coming off of him in throbbing waves, and I try to stand straight, avoiding eye contact and grabbing my water bottle from the cup holder.

"What do you need?"

He winces, and it's sarcastic, but the mocked look of pain and pursed eyebrows elicits a foreign feeling between my hips.

"You're all business. You know you can take a break from the whole, 'i-have-no-friends-on-purpose' facade and actually talk to me like a person every once in while." His fingertips graze against my forearm, lifting himself up onto the treadmill as he reaches over to turn off the machine. He's in my space, and he's doing it on purpose. He wants me to be aware that he's aware of the effect he's having on me, and I don't like it.

"You want to talk?" I hover back, lifting the bottle above my head as I press the opening against my lips. It's cold, condensation running down my arm as I take a quick sip. His eyes stay locked into mine aggressively, his brows lowered. I stay calm, taking mental note of my beating heart and the ping of anxiety in my chest. "Let's talk about how you _stink._ Robin is going to notice sooner or later."

He shrugs, the mood behind his eyes lifting but staying equally as playful. "It's not like he hasn't done it. It's not like _you_ haven't done it."

"When did you pick that up? It's gross." I'm grabbing my jacket, pulling it over my body in attempt to cover my skin. His eyes dip across my chest, and I grow a little more conscious.

 _if you weren't such a child_

 _if you were just a little more seductive_

My body is childish, small and thin in all the wrong places. I pull up the zipper to the top, the left shoulder falling down slightly.

"Hop off your high horse, Rae." He turns, stalking back towards the exit around the corner. "We all have our vices."

He's horny, he _exudes_ sex, and I'm guessing that working out has a different effect on him than it does others.

I catch his glance from the corners of his eyes, and if I couldn't _feel_ him like I can now I would consider this just another annoying interaction with Beast Boy. But I _can_ feel him, I can feel every inch of him against my will.

Heat rises to my cheeks, my face discrediting the attitude I'm trying to display, and I hate it. Emotions are a game, and it was exhausting.

"Your vices are going to catch up with you one day."

He turns on a pivot, playful green eyes dipping and his tired body shrugging with his shoulders.

"So will yours."

I pick up my bottle as I watch him leave, deciding that my quick run was good enough for today. I hated unnecessary chit-chat, empty words in exchange for more empty words, but something about this conversation resonated in my head.

 _so will yours_

I don't have any vices, do I? I levitate away from the treadmill, lowering myself to the ground and allowing my growingly sore legs to carry me back to my room. His words are trivial to me, especially considering we don't know each other well _at all_.

What I know about Beast Boy is what _Victor knows_ about Beast Boy, who is my source of knowledge on the topic. I'm a listener, not a sharer, and listening to Victor complain about his closest friend from under the hood of the T-Car while assisting him for the past few _years_ is a good way to gain information about a person. But maybe Garfield has been in the same position?

 _Garfield._

It sounds weird in my head, the thought foreign to my ideals around the person. He has a name, a real name, but in my head he's always been a boy.

Maybe Garfield will be my new vice. Maybe I wanted him to be.

* * *

 _your vices are going to catch up with you once day._

* * *

 _-one week later-_

"Fuck."

I've never been one to curse, never felt the need to be vulgar or lewd, but in the dim lighting of the hallway there's only one thing on my mind and it's causing me to act slightly out of character.

" _Fuck_."

I've been pacing for a little while, images like instant polaroids snapping behind my eyelids over and over with no foreseeable relief.

 _canines_

 _green eyes_

 _one small scar on the bottom lip_

 _cropped shirt_

 _waistband_

I should have never gone to the gym, I should have never assumed I could power through this on my own. I should have gone directly to Robin as soon as the mirror was broken and reported the damage, sat down, and developed a strategy to eliminate the issue.

But I didn't.

So now, I'm aimlessly wandering the halls of the tower, trying to decide if I should attempt to go back to the gym, run away from the newfound feelings boiling in the lower half of my body, or face the problem head on. I'm scared of what that means.

The halls are dark, a small overhead light pouring a circle of dim yellow static placed every two yards is my only lighting as I venture down the halls. This is my second time roaming through this side of the tower, and I was getting close to the common area.

I keep my head low, rolling the images around in my mind and trying my hardest to will myself into my bedroom, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. These unknown and virtually uncontrollable emotions wallowing around in my body couldn't stand another night alone in that room, and staying in there without even a small taste of what I longed for would drive me mad.

I can't even bring myself to come to terms with what I want, with what I _crave_. I don't want to think about it, don't want to breathe energy into the idea and will the thing into existence. I was almost disgusted, but how could I be? These emotions, they are _me._ The neglected parts of myself, the ignored and hidden parts of my being. I was feeling these things now because I have _always felt them_ , I just didn't know it.

The common room doors slide open with a noisy scrape, a rush of cool air pushing over my body as I glance up at the glowing projector screen.

"Oh, hey." His voice is loud, but it always has been, and he pauses his movie as he looks over his shoulder from the couch. "Sometimes I forget you're such a night owl."

I sigh with relief, allowing my body to relax in the company of someone I trust. "Victor." I levitate over the carpeted room, maneuvering around the chunky furniture and allowing my body to fall against the couch.

His eyebrow raises, and even with the robotic portion of his face I can tell he's analyzing my current body language.

"You good?"

I nod, not having the energy to reply. I can feel a steady stream of concern trickle from his being, but his spirits are high. I consider mentioning the mirror and the struggle with my powers, but decide to leave it alone. It's not worth the breath.

"I'm having trouble containing some not-so-simple emotions." I breathe through my nose, pressing the back of my head against the couch cushion. "Being a human is hard."

He nods, understanding. He's had a difficult year, struggling with Titan's East as well as The Hive. He's secluded himself off from the rest of us, if only a little, but it's definitely enough to notice. Garfield and him are nowhere near as close as they used to be, and it's taken quite a toll on the both of them.

Ah, and I was doing so good at not thinking about him.

"You know, part of being human is knowing when it's okay to cave in." I roll my head over the couch cushion to face him as he lifts a half empty soda can up in is fist, pointing the end in my direction. "I know your whole thing is like 'if I have even a smidge of fun, I'll subconsciously nuke us all' or whatever, but you need to allow yourself a break every once in a while."

A laugh bubbles out before I can prevent it, and it rolls past my lips sweet and genuine. It feels good to laugh, it feels good to give into an impulse with an empty mind. I didn't even have to think about it.

Victor snaps his head in my direction, confusion washing over his face.

"Someone sounds like they want to get nuked." My eyes focus in on the actors on the screen as I speak. Even while faking it, their posture and actions seem more fluid than mine.

He's trying to be open minded, I can feel it, not wanting to freak out over my new found sense of humor. He doesn't want to scare me away, but he wants to dip further into the conversation.

I watch as he sips his drink, lowering his arm and setting it back down on the coffee table in front of him.

"What 'not-so-simple' emotions are you dealing with?"

I shrug. What left do I have to lose?

"I think I'm experiencing what normal teenagers call 'a crush.'" I throw up my hands limply, making lame, mock quotations with my fingers as I grin, amused by how ridiculous I sound.

Victor must think so too, because he releases a laugh that fills up the common room.

"A crush? And you're all bent out of shape because of a crush?"

"Ha ha." I pick up a nearby throw-pillow, pressing it against my face to hide my blushing as I raise my knees to my chest. "I'm so glad I amuse you."

He takes a moment to giggle to himself, excited at the idea of my newfound affection and even more excited at the fact I chose to confide in him about it.

"You're overthinking things, Rae." I keep my face hidden behind the throw pillow, too embarrassed with my own childishness to look at him. "Just tell the guy how you feel."

"Wow," I roll over on my side, exhausted by the entire situation. "Words from a prophet."

"Seriously," He stands up, crushing the now-empty soda can in his hand as he makes his way to the exit. "You don't give yourself enough credit."

"Where are you going?"

He glances back at me over his shoulder as he walks, tossing the crushed can into the trash. "I have to attend a student pep-rally at a local high school in the morning. Gotta catch some Z's. I'll catch up with you tomorrow."

I levitate off of the couch as I watch him walk away, not really wanting him to leave. I had finally found company only to scare it away with my childish problems. Fuck.

"Goodnight."

My voice is dry as the common doors slide open, the metal on concrete scrape echoing in the room. I shouldn't have said anything about it, I should've kept it to myself.

I lay back down, the conversation rolling over in my head.

 _part of being human is knowing when it's okay to cave in_

But how _do_ you know? How do you know if what you're willing to risk weighs less than the outcome? I know what I want, and I know what the possible repercussions are if it goes wrong, but is it worth the risk of caving at all in the first place?

I think about Garfield, his clenched jaw, his jutted collar bones, his scarred lip. I wanted those things, those physical things that resided on one single person. I wanted to touch them, to run the pads of my fingers over them, to press my lips against them. I've never felt anything like that before.

I think about what I could lose if acted upon impulse and it all goes wrong.

I could lose my dignity, my reputation, my leaders trust.

My friend.

Garfield is attracted to me, I _know_ it, I can _feel_ it, and I had that on my side. It wouldn't be hard to coax some form of physical comfort out of him. It wasn't like I was wanting something reliable, I just wanted to press pause on the insufferable feeling of… of emptiness. I was empty, my room was empty, my relationships with my friends were one-sided and it wasn't from their lack of trying. It was from _mine._

I didn't want to go back to my room, I didn't want to lay in my empty bed, and I didn't want to talk about it.

I want someone to occupy the space in my head and the space in between my legs for just a moment, fill this void in my being just long enough for me to forget.

I didn't have inhibitions, and now my decision was clear.

I sit up, the glow of the projector screen lighting the room and painting over my body. I stare into the faces of the actors as I focus in on where I want to be, the energy surrounding the area and the person whom occupied it.

It wasn't too hard to teleport, but the tricky part was doing it subtly. It's easy to throw up a portal of dark energy, but it was noisy and flashy. I need to simply… appear. There was no need for a show.

I close my eyes, holding the vision and angles of the room in my mind, and when I open them it's all there. Just how I had pictured it. Well, except for that.

He's casually stripping off his suit, prying himself out of his elastic shirt and throwing it onto a pile on the floor. His room is a _mess,_ and I'm surprised that it surprises me.

I was so sure seconds ago, but now that I'm here in his room with him standing just feet before me, I'm frozen. Words don't come, my mouth hangs up as he unknowingly removes his pants. I want to tell him I'm here, want to let him know he's not alone in the solitude of his bedroom, but my mind freezes in panic.

He struggles to remove his leg from his pants, and as he leans forward to catch his balance on the wall his eyes lift up and catch my glare.

I try not to laugh as he fumbles, falling back into his closet and planting both feet firm on the ground, his leg still caught in the fabric as his arms swing violently into what clothes are actually hung up.

"Rae, what the actual fuck are you doing? You almost killed me!" He breathes out the words rather than talking them, and I watch as his chest rapidly rises and falls.

I will my mind to work, to think of some reply that didn't make me look like a child.

"I'm-" I stop myself before I can speak, knowing what I would say wasn't the right thing.

 _im caving._

I look back up at him, scared and pressed against the back wall of his closet. Waves of fear and confusion radiate off of his being, and I'm starting to feel like an idiot for following Victor's advice.

 _tell the guy how you feel_

Tell him how I feel. What am I feeling right now?

I breathe in, my eyes focused on his.

"I didn't mean to scare you."


	6. Chapter 6

hey there! i plan on posting three more chapters after this one and an epilogue in ravens pov. im loving you guys reviews, so please drop one if you can, it's like writing fuel lol! what song do you think of when reading this fic? let me know!

also **this chapter is** _ **very**_ **nsfw** , so if that's not your thing than skip down to the next part, it'll be separated by a line like the one below!

sorry for all the authors comments, thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy!

* * *

Hands on top of hands on top of fabric that shouldn't be there, that needs to be removed _immediately_ , and I'm gasping for air like a recently submerged astronaut that just can't seem to get enough oxygen. Raven is like lighter fluid on a bonfire, the bonfire being me, and as I pick her up, her ass pressing against my palms and her legs slipping out of the slits in her dress to wrap around my waist, I feel like I'm going to implode. Implode because my energy has no escape, I'm just caving in on myself over and over with no release in a tortuous cycle. But not for long.

Her mouth is all over my neck, kissing and biting like shes been needing this for as long as I've been needing this, wanting it just as bad as I have. I walk us out of the bathroom into the bedroom, tossing her down roughly onto the bed without a second thought. She's gorgeous like this, eyes wild and face blushed, splashed over the black satin bedspread with her dress in disarray. Her tongue rolls out subconsciously, licking up a spool of saliva with her eyes locked into mine.

Holy _fuck_.

I can't get my coat off fast enough, not even caring about the popping buttons or torn hems as I pull my shirt from my body, and she takes it as a welcome to eagerly rid herself of her own clothes.

"No, stop!" I pull myself onto the bed, grabbing her wrists and standing up on my knees as I yank her down roughly, her legs on either side of me. "I want you to leave it on."

She lowers her hands as I release them, nodding and grinning something wild as she places them on my waistband instead. Her eyes never leave mine as she works, and for someone who's never done this before I'm thoroughly impressed at how easy she's making it look, at how she falls into the roll of a slut with the grace of a fallen angel. She pulls my belt off with one quick tug, disposing it on the floor somewhere before undoing the button and zipper at light speed. She yanks my pants down roughly, and I release a sigh as my erection hits the air of her bedroom.

Her eyes leave mine for the first time since we started, and as her perfectly manicured hand wraps around the base of my cock I swear I could almost come then and there. I bite my bottom lip, just watching her lightly stroke and inspect it, and she seems so fascinated. I mean, I'm sure Raven's seen a dick before, right?

I figure now isn't the best time to ask, and I don't want to ask. I want either my mouth or her mouth to be on _something_ , and some entity must hear my silent wish, because Raven places her perfect lips ever so teasingly on the head of my dick. I moan out loud, filling the silent room with noise as I run my rough fingers through her soft, thin, violet hair. She's testing the waters, sticking her tongue out curiously and running it flat against my cock down to the base. I groan, the feeling like a violent thunderstorm in the middle of the desert, now all I needed was the rain.

"Fucking _hell_ Rae."

I can't take it anymore, and it's not that she's not giving good head (it's without a doubt the best I've ever had,) but I _needed_ to fuck her. At this point it's not longer a want, I _had_ to fuck her. She was living, breathing sex, and I needed a taste so bad that I just might do something irrational.

I toss her shoulders back, and she gasps as her back bounces lightly off the bed spread. My mouth comes in contact with hers in milliseconds, and as I kick the remainder of my clothes off of my body and onto the floor I run my hands under her dress violently, pushing the fabric up around her torso. She's pushing her tongue into my mouth in search for something that feels like it could be in the back of my head, and she's so sticky sweet I almost drown. I bite her lip as I pull away, hard enough to leave a bruise, but she's _so into it_.

Her hips roll against mine with no hesitation, an impulse wildly acted upon, and instant reaction to an action that let's me know it's authentic. My fingers desperately search over her hips for the hem of her underwear only to find that she's not wearing any, and as I pull back and look at the bottom half of her exposed body I almost run out of breath. I've never wanted anything in my life so bad, and I had her right here.

"Fuck, Raven."

Her eyes are pressed into mine, her mouth open and gasping for air as her hands run over her pale thighs. I put my hand into the covers at her left side, using the arm to prop myself up as I allow my free hand to touch her. I do it tediously, two fingers gently rubbing against her entrance before running up her folds, and _fuck_ she is _so wet_.

Her breath hitches, and I look up at her face just fast enough to catch a glimpse of her half lidded and mouth in a perfect "O", and I'm done for.

I sit up, lining myself up and grabbing roughly at her hips before pulling her small body down onto mine, and _jesus christ_ I've tasted my own little slice of heaven.

Nothing I have ever done before can compare to this, and nothing I will ever do after will amount to it.

She's moans out loud, and it sounds like fucking christmas, and once I'm pressed all the way into her I look up at her face. I need to know if she's comfortable, if this isn't too much, if it's not too heavy.

"Gar, move." She's breathing heavily, her voice a desperate whine that sounds so different from her natural self. "Please, please, I need you to move."

She's clawing primally at my waist, her small frame moving against me on her own, and it's more than enough for me to pull and push into her again at full force. She chokes out a moan, and _goddammit_ she looks so good and feels so good and I'm running out of words to describe the entire experience.

I'm pushing in and out of her at a quick pace, my fingers pressing a little too deep into the plush skin on her thighs, and she's moving against me like she can't get enough. _I_ can't get enough, I can't get enough of her in this fucking dress, with this smokey makeup, with black lipstick smeared down her chin and her frame wildly squirming against mine.

I lean down into the crease of her neck, wrapping my jaws around her collarbone and grabbing her breast through the dress fabric. She's saying my name over and over in a trance to the rhythm of my hips, her pointed fingernails digging into the virgin flesh on my back as I continue to thrust into her at a quickening pace.

"Gar, I'm going to-" She's choking back moans and gasps and I wish she wouldn't, because I want hear _everything._ "I'm going to come."

"Jesus fucking christ, _please_ come. I fucking need you to come, Raven."

My damp forehead is still pressed against her neck, my thumb rolling against her nipple that I've freed by pulling down the collar of her dress. I broke the spaghetti straps, but I'm sure she'll forgive me, and as a new quick sound pours from Raven's mouth I speed up the tempo, slamming my body against her as fast as I can muster.

I'm fucking her literally as hard as I can at this point, and I sit up all at once, gripping her torso and pushing my body against hers full force. I want to see her face, I want to hear her voice and take this moment in to remember it for the rest of my life. She's beautifully blushed, over her cheeks, over her chest, over her thighs. Her mouth is open and she's breathing in and out through it, moans pouring out along with the air.

And then it hits her.

She comes all at once, her body twitching and convulsing as she claws away at my shoulders, and goddammit she's beautiful. Her eyes close instinctively, her face flushing of color and her chest heaving as she damn near _screams_ my name, and I know someone had to fucking hear it.

I don't stop, fucking her hard and forcing her to ride through the orgasm. She's ultra sensitive, coming long and hard as I work myself up to my peak.

I lean back into her neck on the opposite side, burying my face into her flesh as her hands limply grip at my biceps. I'm pushing myself hard, feeling the orgasm creep up into my stomach and work its way down to my hips. She's still coming, whimpering moans that slip down into my ears, and I can tell we've already made a mess of this bedspread.

"Garfield," She trying to talk to me, but I can't focus in on anything she's saying. I'm too high, my body turned into some animalistic fuck machine that has yet to reach its goal. "Garfield, baby, I-"

 _Baby._

White lighting flashes through my body, hot and cold at the same fucking time, and I bite down hard onto the crease of her neck as I pull out and release myself onto both of our stomachs. It feels so good it almost hurts, and I can't even think as my mind goes blank, all I can do is feel.

I still feel her insides, I still feel her mouth teasing on the head of my dick, shit, I still feel the pressure of her hips grinding against mine from two months ago. I feel _everything_ , but I also feel relief.

The flame boiling inside of me slowly waters away, freeing my body of it's previous torture.

I finish coming, pulling away to see that Raven is still feeling small waves of her orgasm. She's basically vibrating underneath me, and she is a devastating mess of sweat, spit, and cum. I press my fingers into her core, eliciting a few muscle spasms in her legs and a scowl. I grin down at her, the afterglow of my orgasm making me feel like a fucking champion, and continue pressing my fingers inside of her.

I move them steadily, sitting back and taking a moment to breathe and rest as I work her back up again, and she hates how much she loves it. She's pressing her palms against her own breasts as I use my thumb to tease at her clit, my two fingers steadily pushing in and out of her core.

She's writhing again, breath heavy and moans heavier. I'm building her back up off of her previous orgasm, abusing her sensitivity and using it against her, and this time I get to sit back and watch.

I'm not even bashful about it, fucking her with my eyes and my hands, and as she grabs the fabric off the bedspread and comes a second time, I get to watch the entire thing. It's perfect, _she's_ perfect, and she rolls her hips down against my hand as her ribcage presses up against her skin.

This time when she comes I let her come down, backing off and choosing to lay down on the bed beside her as the orgasm rolls off of her in waves. She comes down after a few moments, her breath soft and rough at the same time, and even in the mess of her torn and ruined dress, I think she's the prettiest thing I've ever seen.

We both lay in silence for a moment, her catching her breath and me taking the time to enjoy my normal body again. Her breathing normalizes as she closes her mouth for the first time since we started, and I grin at her as she turns her head to face me.

"You enjoy the ride?"

She's too tired to even scowl at me, but as she rolls over and looks down at her dress it prompts at least the pursing of her brows.

"I need a shower."

I can't help but laugh, filling up the silent room with noise.

"I think we both do."

* * *

"I never said that."

Her voice is tired, and even from across the room I can see the slow draw of her eyelids and her lagged movements.

"Oh yeah, except you _did_."

She growls, rolling back onto the couch and glaring at the ceiling, huffing from her nose. "I _didn't_. You must have misheard me in the… moment."

"No, no I didn't." The microwave screams at me, and I can't help but laugh as I pull out a steaming bag of popcorn with careful hands. "You said, as clear as day, 'Garfield, Bab-"

"Hey guys."

I snap my head in the direction of the common room door, and Robin parades into the room with the grace of a bowling ball. I can see Ravens small face peeking over the edge of the couch with quiet anxiety and I can't help but grin to myself at how adorable she is.

"Hey man," I pull a large bowl down from an overhead cabinet, pouring the popcorn in as I speak. "You trying to watch a movie? You can be me and Raven's mediator. We can't decide between Dodgeball and the new Insidious."

He stalks across the room in a sleepy daze, a pair of red flannel pajama pants pulled over his legs as light from the projector bounces off of his bare chest.

"Sure. I feel like watching a horror flick, it'll take my mind off of how much of a nightmare tonights shit-show was."

He's talking about the gala, and I don't disagree with him. The entire thing was a mess, even without my little fit. Somehow an entire fleet of low level celebrity reporters managed to get past security with counterfeit press passes and cramped the entire party with questions about scandals and make up routines. It would explain the young girl who grabbed onto my coat sleeve last night, and I don't feel too horrible for growling at her given the circumstances.

It ended up being Robin on damage control, at least that's what I heard from Cy as me and Raven passed him coming into the common room, and it apparently was no easy task. I know that I should probably be avoiding Robin right now, given my little escapade and recent suspicious behavior, but he definitely needs a break, and a break with friends too.

Raven relaxes against the couch, and I'm guessing she can sense Robin's laid back and exhausted mood. He plops down next to her, his bare face illuminated by the colors on the screen. I hear her offer him some of her "herbal" tea she purchased a few days ago on a trip to the organic grocery store, and I can't help but snicker. Raven recent run in with emotions and ever-toiling anxiety has her seeking other alternate methods of medication other than smoke and mirrors. No smoke, just tea.

Robin finds it funny too, laughing outwardly before casually accepting, and I watch from the kitchen as she leans into the coffee table to pour him a cup from her kettle.

Ever since Raven broke her mirror she's been relying much less on her powers for everyday chores and activities. Before, instead of making the effort to lean forward and pour the tea herself she would've simply poured it telepathically, taking the much easier route. It probably has something to do with how her emotions fuel her powers, something that I don't have enough knowledge to make a comment on, but something I'm definitely taking notice off. I just hope Robin doesn't take notice either.

I grab a beer from the fridge as I make my way down to the couch, popcorn in hand, and Raven uses the controller to scroll through the smart TV and find the movie.

The rest of the night is smooth, it feels easy and normal and mundane, and our own private little family seems so effortless as the movie plays on the screen. We're all tired in different ways, different lives played in parallel so close together.

I make a mental note not to be so neglectful to my leaders needs, taking notice of his posture and body language. He's taking the heat of the campaign more than any of us, and I haven't even been the least bit helpful.

A sigh escapes my nose as I press my back into the couch, relaxing in between the two of them as the projector shoots out scene after scene.

The movie ends, the credits play, and Raven is the first to excuse herself to bed. Her glare presses into mine as she leaves, and I try not to outwardly laugh at her lack of subtlety.

Robin pushes himself off of the loveseat, barely muttering a goodnight before making his way out of the room.

And then I leave last, passing my room up on my way to my girlfriends.


End file.
